Sunday, November 27, 2005

guardian: pedophilia, scandal hits largest catholic congregation in the world, brazil

nov 27th

i suppose this is the same in india as well. shocking, 10% of the
priests are sexual predators. and in this instance they are
heterosexual, not gay as in the us.,,1651313,00.html

still, children, and 'vulnerable people' -- read poor or helpless
people, esp women in institutions like nunneries or orphanages where
they are totally at the mercy of the patriarchal authority figures --
are being violated by these people. it is a sin. god will not forgive
these people for violating the trust placed in them by children and
vulnerable women.

hard to believe these are men of faith. as a theist, i find these
people abominable. the creator of the universe will judge them harshly
(if, as they claim, there is a judgment day when you have to pay for
your sins).

i have mentioned the sister abhaya case, the madatharuvi murder case
in kerala in both of which priests/nuns were involved. nuns
periodically surface, usually drowned, in wells. in the madatharuvi
case (it was in the 60s) some priest was i think convicted of
murdering his girlfriend.

some time ago, a vatican document confessed that priests,
missionaries, bishops etc often were involved in the sexual
enslavement of nuns and the cover-ups thereof.

interesting how the christists cover up endemic sexual predation; the
maoists cover up disease, catastrophes etc. i wonder if there is some
hidden symbolic meaning behind this.


Anonymous said...

Christist pastor rapes female inmate at Devine retreat center in Kerala. Christist police and govt. authoities as usual, trying to cover it up since Christists are above law in Kerala:

Kalyani said...

I am posting the contents as the link does not open up.

"The Testimony of
Charlotte Wells*
*This is a pseudonym. Sister Charlotte
never gave her real name in public.

The testimony of Sister Charlotte is disturbing and
shocking, but provides important insights into the
worst of convent life as well as the dynamics of
Romanism. It testifies with others such as "Maria
Monk" and "The Martyr in Black The Life Story of
Sister Justina" (Lord willing, both of these will be
on the site one day) as well as the testimonies of
former priests such as Chiniquy (The Priest, the Woman
and the Confessional), Fresenborg (Thirty Years in
Hell), and Hogan (Auricular Confession and Popish
Nunneries). Sis. Charlotte's testimony seems
incredible but only because most people do not know
the history of the Romish religion. One of our readers
said this about Sis. Charlotte's testimony--

Thank you for printing this testimony, I have been so
troubled by what I have read and I can believe what
she said because I worked as a waitress. And the
priest and nuns would come in a order drinks while
wearing the habit. I had a friend that confronted one
of the priests and boy what a big blow up that was. He
tried to get her fired and then they really started
coming in with the habit on and getting drunk. We told
them that it didn't look good for children to see them
drinking especially when they were Godly people (in
the children's eyes.) It was very eye opening to say
the least. So I can understand some of what the woman
said. I would really like to pray for those other
nuns. thank you for your site and information. SR

Here's an excerpt from a modern day Roman cloistered
This quote is supposed to make a convent sound good
but read between the lines and you get a hollow

Being a Passionist Nun: I had always desired to enter
more deeply into the mystery of Jesus' love for us in
His sacred Passion. Where better than a Passionist
Monastery where one takes a vow to promote devotion to
and grateful remembrance of the Passion of Jesus?
Flowing out of this main vow we take four other vows:
Chastity, Poverty, Obedience and Enclosure. Prayer,
penance, poverty, silence and solitude are a very
important part of our spirit handed down to us by our
Holy Founder, St. Paul of the Cross. Also, a deep love
for our Spouse, Jesus in the Eucharist [a cracker
Romans call "Jesus"]; devotion to our Immaculate
Mother and fidelity to the Magisterium of the church
attracted me to this hidden way of life, where prayer
knows no bounds.

I think a lot of these women feel empty and want to
get close to God. They think they have to "leave the
world" for a religious life and of course the priests
and nuns are happy to suggest joining a religious
order. Not, "Get washed in the blood of the Lamb and
born again," but "Join our convent or monastery".

Another nun,

...That was 17 years ago, when the monastic enclosure
was much more strict than it is now. In those days, we
had to visit in a parlor with a table dividing the
enclosure from the "outside." We're still allowed only
five days of the year for a family visit, and our
families come to the monastery—we don't go home unless
circumstances warrant an exception. We may write home
whenever we like, and professed sisters may call home.
This may sound like very limited contact, but it's
really no worse than being sent overseas by the armed
forces or an international corporation.

This testimony was taken from a cassette tape
recording of Sister Charlotte giving her testimony in
a Christian gathering (I've heard a copy of the tape).
Sources have told us that Charlotte was born in 1898,
and entered the convent in approximately the year of
1910. She experienced salvation in 1945, and began
giving this testimony in the next few years following
her conversion throughout the United States and


First of all I always like to tell folk I’m not giving
this testimony because I have any ill feeling in my
heart toward the Roman Catholic people. I couldn’t be
a Christian if I still had bitterness in my heart. God
delivered me from all bitterness and strife and
delivered me out of all of that one day and made
himself real to me, and the power of the Holy Spirit.
And so, when I give this testimony I’m giving it
because after God saved me he delivered me out of the
convent and out of bondage and darkness. The Lord laid
the burden upon my heart to give this testimony that
others might know what cloistered convents are. And
so, as you listen carefully this afternoon, I trust I
will not say one thing that will leave any feeling in
your heart whatsoever that I don’t carry a burden for
the Roman Catholic people. I don’t like the things
they do, I don’t agree with the things that they
teach, but I covet their soul for Jesus. I’m
interested in their souls. I believe Jesus went to
Calvary. He died that you and I might know Him. And
their souls are just as precious as your soul and my
soul. So I’m interested.

First of all, as we slip into this testimony, having
been born in Roman Catholicism, not knowing anything
else, not knowing the word of God because we didn’t
have a Bible in our home, we had never heard anything
about this wonderful plan of salvation. And so,
naturally, I grew up in that Roman Catholic home as a
child, knowing only the catechism, knowing only the
teaching of the Roman Catholic Church. And, because I
loved the Lord, and because I wanted to do something
for Him, I wanted to give Him my life. I didn’t know
of any other way for a Roman Catholic girl to give her
life to God other than entering a convent, and to
going to the confessional box where, naturally, I’m
under the influence of my father-confessor, the Roman
Catholic priest, his influence over my life.

One day I made up my mind through his influence and
one of my teachers in the parochial school that I
wanted to be a little sister. At that time I thought
of being a sister of the open order, but as I went on
into this, up until the time I took my white veil,
sixteen and a half years of age, everything was
beautiful. I really didn’t have any fear in my heart
whatsoever. Everything that was taught to me was
seemingly along the line that I had been taught in the
church before I entered the convent. And so one day,
after having been, uh, after making up my mind to
enter a convent, I remember that particular day, two
of the sisters came home with me from school. They
were my teachers. And when we arrived at my father’s
home that afternoon our Father-confessor was in the
home likewise. I often say when I was a little girl
children were seen and not heard. You didn’t talk when
you was a child, at least in my family, in my home
unless you were spoken to. And I remember I listened
to them carry on a conversation, and then I moved over
close enough to my father and I asked him if I could
say something. And that was a bit out of the ordinary.
And he permitted me to talk and I said, "Dad, I want
to go into a convent." And I will tell you that priest
took it up quickly. He had already been influencing
me. My father broke down and began to cry, not because
he’s sad, but he’s very happy. My mother came over and
took me in her arms and she, too, wept tears. She’s
very happy. Those were not tears of sadness because to
think her little girl was giving her life to the
convent to pray for lost humanity. And naturally my
family were very thrilled about it, and I was too.
But, anyway I didn’t go for a year after that and then
the time come when I got myself ready and my mother
prepared things for me. And so I entered the convent.


They took me and we didn’t have a place close enough
to my father and mother’s home so I think they took me
around a thousand miles away from home where I entered
a convent boarding school. I lacked about 3 months
being 13 years of age. Just a little girl. I look back
on it now and I think, "My!" Homesick? I was so
homesick, why my mother and daddy, they stayed three
days with me and when they left I became so homesick!
Naturally. And why shouldn’t I? Just a baby away from
home. When I was a little girl, you know I never spent
a night away from my mother, and I surely had never
gone any place without my family. And naturally there
was a close tie in our family and I was very lonely
and very homesick. But I’ll never forget that after
Mother told me good-bye and I knew they were
travelling a long distance away from me, and I had
never realized in my heart, "I’ll never see them
again!" Naturally I hadn’t planned it like that
because I had planned to be a sister of the open
order. But, if you’ll listen carefully to this portion
of the testimony, then you’ll understand just why I’m
saying some of the things I say. Now oftentimes we say
that the priest selects his material through the
confessional box, because at seven years of age I went
to confessional. Seven years of age I would always,
when I came into the church, first I’d slip over to
the feet of the crucifix, or rather to the Virgin
Mary, and then over at the feet of the crucifix and
I’d ask the Virgin Mary to help me make a good
confession, because I was a child and my heart was
honest. And I knew the priest had taught us to always
make a good confession. Keep nothing back. Tell
everything if I expected absolution from any sin that
I might have committed. And so I would ask the Virgin
Mary to help me make a good confession. I would ask
then Jesus to help me make a good confession. And you
know, I’ll assure you, after I’d lived in the convent
for ,,,I had to go on with my schooling. I had just
finished the eighth grade and they promised to give me
a high school education and some college education.
But, I didn’t get much college, I got mostly just high
school training. And they gave that to me alright. I
took it under some terrible difficulties and strains
and all of that. It was terribly difficult. But they
gave it to me for which I appreciate very very much.
But I’ll assure you that after they put me through the
crucial training that we must go through just to
become a little initiate entering a convent. The
training is really, it’s outstanding as far as a nun
is concerned and you know what it’s all about after
you’ve been in there a little while.

So now I’ve entered the convent and for just a few
minutes I want to tell you just how we lived, what we
eat, how we sleep. If I take you into the convent and
tell you those things you’ll understand a little bit
more about my testimony. At first as I entered the
convent as a small child I went on to school, but I
was being trained. But the day came when I was
fourteen and a half. The mother came to me and she
began to tell me about the White Veil. And I didn’t
know too much about it, but in taking the white veil
they told me that I would be becoming the spouse or
bride of Jesus Christ. There would be a ceremony and I
would be dressed in a wedding garment. And on this
particular morning they told me at nine o’clock they
would dress me up in a wedding garment. Now you’re
wondering where that come from and how they get the
wedding clothes for the little nuns? The mother
superior sits down and writes a letter to my father
and tells him how much money she wants. And then
whatever she asks, my father sends it. The little
buying sister goes out and buys the material and the
wedding gown is made by the nuns of the cloister. I’m
still Open Order now. And of course whatever she
asked, now you say, "Did they spend all the money for
the wedding gown?" Well, of course we don’t know these
things in the very beginning of our testimony, but
after we live in a convent for a little while we
learned to know they could ask my father for a hundred
dollars and he’d send it. They wouldn’t but maybe a
third of that for the wedding garment. They would keep
the rest of it and my father would never know the
difference. Neither did I until I lived in the convent
for a period of time and I had to make some of the
wedding clothes and then I knew the value of them and
what they cost. And I knew the of money that came in
because I was one of the older nuns. Well, alright,
the time came, of course, when I walked down that
aisle and I was dressed in a wedding garment. Now you
know in the convent I used to walk the fourteen
stations of the cross- the fourteen steps that Jesus
carried the cross to Calvary. But after I had made up
my mind to take the white veil, never again did I
walk. I wanted to be worthy. I wanted to be holy
enough to become the spouse or the bride of Jesus
Christ. And so I would get down on my knees and crawl
the fourteen stations. Quite a distance, but I crawled
them every Friday morning. I felt it would make me
holy. I felt it would drawl me closer to God. It would
make me worthy of the step that I was going to take.
And that’s what I wanted more than anything else in
the world. I would like to impress upon your heart,
every little girl that enters the convent that I know
anything about. That child has a desire to live for
God. That child has a desire to give her heart, mind,
and soul to God. Now many, many people make this
remark and we hear it from various types of folk who
say only bad women go into convents. That isn’t true.
There are movie stars who go into convents. They’ve
lived out in the world, and no doubt they are sinners
and all of that. But they go in when they are women.
They know what they are doing. And they go in only
because the Roman Catholic Church is going to receive,
not only thousands, but yea it will run up into the
millions of dollars. They don’t mind who they take in
if they can get a lot of money out of that individual.
But the ordinary little girl that goes in as a child,
she’s just a child and she goes in there with a heart
and mind and soul just as clean as any child could be.
I say that because sometimes you hear a lot of things
that are really not true. Now after we become the
spouse of Jesus Christ, I want you to listen carefully
to this and then you can follow me into the rest of
the testimony. We are now looked upon as married
women. We are looked upon as married women. We are the
spouse or the bride of Jesus Christ. Now the priest
teaches every little girl that will take the white
veil, they’ll become the bride of Christ. He teaches
her to believe that her family will be saved. It
doesn’t make any difference how many banks they’ve
robbed, how many stores they’ve robbed. It doesn’t
make any difference how they drink and smoke and
carouse and live out in this sinful world and do all
the things that sinners do. It doesn’t make a bit of
difference. Still our family will be saved if we
continue to live in the convent and give our lives to
the convent or to the church we can rest assured that
every member of our immediate family will be saved.
And you know there are many little children that are
influenced and enticed to go into convents because we
realize it is the salvation for our families. And
sometimes, even (in) Roman Catholic families, the
children grow up and leave the Roman Catholic Church
and go out into the deepest of sin. And so, every
little girl that enters the convent is hoping by her
sacrificing so much, home and loved ones, mother and
daddy, everything that a child loves, her family will
be saved regardless of what sins they commit. And of
course we are children and our minds are immature and
we don’t know any better. And it’s so easy to instill
things like this into the hearts and minds of little
children and the priest is- he’s really good at it.
And, of course, we look upon our priest, our
father-confessor, I looked upon him as God. He’s the
only God I knew anything about, and to me he was
infallible. I didn’t think he could sin. I didn’t
think that he would lie. I didn’t think that he ever
made a mistake. I looked upon him as the holiest of
holy because I didn’t know a God, but I did know the
Roman Catholic Priest, and to me, I looked to him for
everything that I asked of God, so to speak. I
believed the priest could give it to me. And so the
day comes when all of us now, as we’re going in (I
want you to listen carefully) after taking the white
veil things are beautiful. I’m sixteen and a half
years of age. Everyone’s good to me and I’m living in
the convent and I haven’t seen anything yet because no
little girl, we’re not subject to a Roman Catholic
Priest until we are 21 years of age, and as we give
you this next vow then you’ll understand we don’t know
about this. This is kept from the little sisters until
we’ve taken our black veils and then it’s too late. I
don’t carry the key to those double doors and there’s
no way for me to come out. The priest will tell all
over the whole United States and other countries that
sisters, or nuns rather, can walk out of convents when
they want to. I spent 22 years there. I did everything
there was to do to get out. I’ve carried tablespoons
with me into the dungeons and tried to dig down into
that dirt, because there’s no floors in those places,
but I’ve never yet found myself digging far enough to
get out of a convent with a tablespoon and that’s
about the only instrument. Because when we’re using
the spade, and we do have to do hard heavy work, when
we use a spade we’re being guarded. We’re being
watched by two older nuns and they’re going to report
on us and I’ll assure your not going to try to dig out
with a spade. You wouldn’t get very far anyway because
they made or built those convents so little nuns can
NOT escape. That was their purpose in building them as
they build them. And there’s no way for us to get out
unless God makes a way. But I believe God’s making a
way for numbers of little girls after they come out of
the convent.


Alright, now when the time comes, I think I was 18
when the mother began talking to me, now I planned to
come out, see, after my white veil. I wanted to be a
little nursing sister in the Roman church, but the
mother superior, I suppose she was watching my life, I
supposed she realized I had much endurance. I had a
strong body and I believe the woman was watching me
because one day she asked me to come into her office
and she began to tell me, "Charlotte, you have a
strong body." And she said, "I believe you have the
possibilities of making a good nun, a cloistered nun.
I believe you’re the type that'd be willing to give up
home, give up Mother and Daddy, give up everything you
love out in the world, and the world (so to speak) and
hide yourself behind convent doors, because I believe
you’re the kind that would hide back there and be
willing to sacrifice and live in crucial poverty that
you might pray for lost humanity."

She said, "I believe you’re the kind that’d be willing
to suffer."

We are taught to believe as nuns that we suffer our
loved ones and your loved ones that are already in a
priest’s purgatory will be delivered from purgatory
sooner because of our suffering. She knew I was
willing to suffer. I didn’t murmur. I didn’t complain.
She knew all of that and she’s watching my life and
that’s the reason she began to tell me about the black
veil. And then of course, you know I didn’t know too
much about a cloistered nun. I didn’t know their
lives. I didn’t know how they live. I didn’t know what
they’ve done. But you know, this woman proceeded to
tell me- now you hear a lot of people try to tell me
in the various places where we travel and go, I hear a
lot of Roman Catholics try to tell me "I’ve been in so
many cloisters. I know all about them." But you know a
Roman Catholic can lie to you and they don’t have to
go to confession and tell the priest about the lie
that they’ve told because they’re lying to protect
their faith. They can tell any lie they want to to
protect their faith and never go the confessional box
and tell the priest about it. They can do more than
that. They can steal up to 40 dollars and they don’t
have to tell the priest about it. They don’t have to
say one word about it in the confessional box. They’re
taught that. Every Roman Catholic knows it and every
Roman Catholic (you’d be horrified if you know how
many of them) steal up to that amount. And many of
them lie. We’ve dealt with them. I’ve dealt with
hundreds and hundreds of them. I’ve seen good many of
them fall in at the altar and cry out to God to save
them. And, you know, before they’re saved they look
into my face and hold my hand and lie to me. But after
God gets a hold of their heart then they want to make
right what they’ve told me because they realize that
they’ve lied about it. But as long as they’re Roman
Catholic they’re permitted to lie. And it’s the
saddest thing. You can’t expect them to know God
because God does not condone sin. I don’t care who you
are. I don’t believe God condones sin and I don’t
believe he’s going to condone it in the Roman Catholic
people, even though they are being mislead and they’re
being blinded and being led in the way that’s going to
lead them into a Devil’s hell. I believe that will all
of my heart because I’ve lived in a convent. I know
something about how those people live and what they

Now the day comes. She told me, "Charlotte, you have
to be willing to spill your blood as Jesus shed his
upon Calvary." She said, "You’ll have to be willing to
do penance, heavy penance." She said, "You'l have to
be willing to live in crucial poverty."

Now already I’m living in a bit of poverty, but I
thought that was going to make me holy and draw me
close to God and would make me a better nun. And so
I’m willing to live in that poverty. And then, on this
particular morning, she told me what I would be
wearing. She said, "You’ll spend nine hours in a
casket" and she explained a number of things to me.
That’s the most I knew about it and I didn’t find that
out until I’d taken my white veil. And so, on this
particular morning I’m 21 years of age. But 60 days
previous to my being 21 years of age, I’m going to
sign some papers that they’ve placed in front of me.
And those papers are this: I’m going to sign away
every bit of inheritance that I might have received
from my family after their death. Of course I signed
that over to the Roman Catholic Church. And oftentimes
I say the Roman Catholic priests are enticing girls,
not only their background, not only their strong
bodies, their strong minds, and strong wills, but he’s
enticing girls where mothers and fathers have much
property and they are comfortably fixed with the
material things of this life. Why? Because when that
child enters the convent, they’re going to get a
portion of her money, of her father’s money and I
often say that even salvation in the Roman Catholic
Church is going to cost you plenty of money. More than
you know anything about. And so they don’t mind
commercializing off of that child and the inheritance
that would have come to her. And so on this particular
morning I told the mother superior, "Give me a little
while to think it over." She didn’t make me do it. No
one did. But I thought it over for a couple years and
then one day I told her, "I think I’m going to hide
away behind the convent doors because I believe I
could give more time to God. I could pray more."


I believed I could be in a position where I could
inflict more pain upon my body because we are taught
to believe that God smiles down out of heaven as we do
penance, whatever the suffering might be. And I didn’t
know any better because I often say, "If you could
only look into the hearts of little nuns, if you are a
Christian you would immediately cry out before God in
behalf of those little girls," because to me we are
heathens. It doesn’t make any difference, the amount
of education we have. We are still heathens. We know
nothing about this lovely Christ, nothing about the
plan of salvation. And we’re living as hermits in the

And so on this particular morning I come walking down
an aisle again….And may I say the morning before, I
can’t go into it too deeply because I never would be
able to cover enough of it so you could understand it,
but this morning I’m walking down that aisle, but I
don’t have a wedding garment on. I have a funeral
shroud. It’s made of dark red velvet and it’s way down
to the floor. And I’m walking down that aisle. I know
what I’m going to do. The casket is already made by
the nuns of the cloister of very rough boards. It is
sitting right out here and I know when I come down
there I’ll step in that casket and lay my body down
and I’m going to spend nine hours in there. And two
little nuns will come and cover me up with a heavy
black cloth we called a heavy drape mortel(?) and you
know it’s so heavily incensed that I feel like I’ve
smothered to death. And I have to stay there. Now I
know when I come out of that casket I’ll never leave
the convent again. I know I’ll never see my mother and
father again. I’ll never go home again. I’ll always
live behind convent doors and when I die my body will
be buried there. They told me that, so I knew it even
before I done it. It’s a great price to pay, then to
find out that convents are not religious orders as we
were taught and as we were trained. It’s quite a
disappointment to a young girl that’s given her life
to God, and willing to give up so much and sacrifice
so much. I’ll assure you, it was a disappointment. And
so after I spent those nine hours- you’ll say, "What’d
you do while you lay in that casket?"


What do you think I did? I spilled every tear in my
body. I remembered every lovely thing my mother done
for me. I remembered her voice. I remembered the
gathering around the table. I remembered the times
when she would pray with us. I remembered the things
that she said to me. I remembered what a marvelous
cook she was. Everything as a little girl growing up
in that home, I remembered it. Laying in that casket,
knowing I’ll never hear her voice again and I’ll never
see her face again. I’ll never put my feet under her
table again and enjoy her good cooking. I knew all
that and so maybe for four hours I spilled all the
tears in my body because it was so hard and I knew I’d
get homesick. I knew I’d want to see her someday, but
I gave it all up. What for? For the love of God, I
thought. I didn’t know any better. And I’ll assure you
those were nine long hours. And then I seemingly got a
hold of myself and I thought this, "Charlotte, now
you're going to make the best Carmelite nun!" Because
everything I've done, even (now) that I'm out of the
convent, I do give my best. I try to give everything
that I have regardless what I might do. And so I did
in the convent. I gave the best that I had. And I
wanted to be the best nun that I could possible be.
And the mother superior knew that and, don't worry,
the priest knew all about that too.


Now I realized after I walk out of that casket or come
out of it they're going to take me like this, over
here, and right back here there's a room. We call it
the mother superior's room. Now I've never been in
that particular room, so I don't know what she has in
there. But, you know, when I walk in there this time
the mother superior sits me down in a straight backed,
hard-bottomed chair and immediately then I'm going to
take three vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience.
And you know, as I take those vows she opens a little
place in the lobe of my ear and she takes out a
portion of blood because I must sign every vow in my
own blood. And after that happened I'm going to take
the vow of poverty. Now when I sign that vow I sign it
thus and I'm willing to live in crucial poverty the
balance of my live, as long as I live. And what that
poverty is like, of course we [the nuns undergoing
initiation] don't know. And then my next vow, I'm
going to vow of chastity. And you know this vow, of
course you know what it means. I'm taught to believe
that I'm married to Jesus Christ. I'm his bride. I'll
always remain a virgin. I'll never legally marry again
in this world because I have become the spouse or the
bride of Jesus Christ. After the bishop married me to
Christ he placed the ring on my finger and that meant
I'm sealed to Christ. I'm married to him and I
accepted it because I didn't know any better. And now
here I am taking a vow that I would always remain a
virgin because I'm the bride of Christ. And I want you
to listen carefully. And then, of course my last vow-
of obedience. Now when we signed that vow, I'll assure
you already I know what obedience means. I'm living in
a convent and there they demand absolute obedience.
You don't get by with anything, not even for two
minutes. I mean you don't get by with it. You have to
realize what obedience means and they demand it and
you learn to know it and you're much wiser the more
quickly you learn it and you obey it and you give them
absolute obedience.

Alright, now what does it mean to assign vows like
this? Let me tell you this. It means more than you
folk will ever know because most people that I know
anything about, they know very little about obedience.
Oh in a sense, yes, but you'll never know what a
little nun knows about obedience, I'll assure you that
one thing unless you lived in the convent. Alright,
that particular vow, when I signed it in my own blood,
it done something to me because after I signed those
vows do you realize that I've signed away everything
that I have? My human rights. I have become a
mechanical human being now. I can't sit down until
they tell me to. I don't dare to get up until they
tell me to. I can't lie down until they tell me to and
neither do I dare to get up. I cannot eat until they
tell me to. And what I see, I don't see. What I hear,
I don't hear. What I fell, I don't feel. I've become a
mechanical human being, but you're not aware of that
until you have signed all these vows. Then you
realize, "Here I am, a mechanical human being." And of
course I belonged to Rome now, I'll assure you that
right now.

Alright, after these particular vows we become
forgotten women of the convent. In just a short while
you'll understand what I'm talking about. Now
immediately after I've taken those vows then the
mother superior is going to give me- take away from
me, my name and give me the name of a patron saint.
And she teaches me to believe that whatever happens to
me in the convent I can pray to that patron saint and
she will intercede and get my prayers through to God
because I'm not holy enough to stand in the presence
of God. It is no wonder the dear little nuns can never
get close enough to God. We've always been taught that
we'll never be holy enough to stand in his presence
and we always have to go through somebody else in
order to get a prayer through to God. And we believe
it because we don't know any better. And so now, all
identification of who Charlotte was is going to be put
away. It'll be taken away from me, and if you would
come into the convent and call for my family name,
they'd tell you there isn't such a person there. I
don't exist, even though I'm right there, because I'm
writing under another name.

Now the mother superior is going to cut every bit of
hair off of my head, and when she cuts it with the
scissors she puts the clippers on it. And I mean
there's nothing left. I don't have one speck of hair
left on my head. And of course if you could be a nun
then you'd understand the heavy headgear that we have
to wear- it'd be so cumbersome to have hair and so
cumbersome to take care of it. We don't have any ways
of taking care of it in the convent. There are no
combs in the convent. And so you can imagine how hard
it would be for us to take care of a head of hair.
It's not necessary that we have a comb after they've
finished with it. Alright, now this is my black veil,
these are my perpetual vows, we'll call them. I'm
there and I'm going to stay there.

Now, you know, up until this time, once a month I
received a letter from my family and I wrote a letter
out of the convent once a month to my family, even
though when I'd write that letter I had no doubt they
marked out a lot of it because when I would receive a
letter from my family there was so much of it blacked
out until there was no sense to the letter and, oh,
I'd weep over those black marks. I was wondering what
my mother was trying to say to me. Don't worry. You'll
never get to know what she wanted to say to you
because they have blacked it out. And so they break
your heart many, many times and you're lonely anyway
because you have no friends in the convent. I'll
assure you, even though there was 180 on my particular
wing, not one of those nuns was my friend and neither
was I friend to them because we are not allowed to be
friends in the convent We are all policemen or
detectives watching each other. That's so we'll tell.
And the little nun that finds something to tell on the
other nun, she stands in good favor with the mother
superior. And then the mother teaches that nun to
believe (that) when she stands in good favor with the
mother superior she is standing in good favor with
God. And so that little nun, of course, will want that
and she'll tell a lot of things, maybe that are not
even true, on the other little nuns.

Alright. Now after all of this has transpired and all
of this has happened everything I have is gone. I've
sold my soul for a mess of theological pottage,
because not only are we destroyed in our bodies. Many
of us in our minds. And many of us, if we die in the
convent, we've lost our souls. And so it's a serious
thing and I'll surely covet your prayers for little
cloistered nuns behind convent doors. They'll never
hear this gospel. They'll never know the Christ that
you folk know tonight or today. They'll never pray to
him as you people pray to him. They'll never feel his
blessings as you people feel them. And so put them on
your hearts and pray for them. They surely need much


Alright Now As I walk into this room and all of this
is transpiring, now, bless your hearts, I don't know
what's going to be in the next room after this has
transpired and I have taken the vows that I will
always remain a virgin, I'll never legally marry in
this world because I'm the spouse of Christ. And then,
after this, the mother superior leads me out into
another room or, rather, she opens the door and I'm to
be sent into that room. And when I walk out in that
room I see something I have never seen before. I see a
Roman Catholic priest dressed in a holy habit. And he
walks over to me and he locks his arm in my arm which
he has never done in the first part of my convent
life. I never had a priest to insult me in any way. I
never had one of them to be even unkind to me in the
first part of my convent experience. But here he is
now, and of course I didn't understand what it was all
about and I didn't know what in the world the man
really expected of me. And, you know, I pulled from
him because I felt highly insulted. And I pulled from
him and I said, "Shame on ya!" And I made him very
angry for a minute and he said, uh, immediately the
mother superior must have heard my voice because she
came out immediately and she said, "Oh," (and they
called me by my church name) she said, "After you've
been in the convent a little while you won't feel this
way. The rest of us felt the same way you do and you
know the priest's body is sanctified, and therefore it
is not a sin for us to give the priests our bodies."

In other words, they teach every little nun this: As
the Holy Ghost placed the germ in Mary's womb and
Jesus Christ was born, so the priest is the Holy Ghost
and therefore it isn't a sin for us to bear his
children. And let me tell you, that's what they come
to the convent for. For no other purpose in all of
this world do priests come into the convent but to rob
those precious little girls of their virtue. And I'll
assure you, we'll be telling you a little later in the
testimony what they really do after they come in under
those particular deals. But may I say now every bridge
has been burned out from under me. There's no way
back. I can't get out of the convent even though I've
pled. Oh, how I pled with that priest! "Send for my
father, I want to go home! I don't want to go any
farther." And let me tell you, that's when you stand
alone. You don't know who to turn to and you're a
victim of circumstances and you'll live in the convent
because there is no other way to get out of the
convent. And I'll assure you, I stayed in the convent
until God made a way for me to come out.

And so, after all of this, my mail was stopped. I'll
never receive another bit of mail from my family.
Never another letter. I belong to the pope. I belong
to Rome. And then, after all of this, the mother
superior after taking these particular vows and the
priest has invited me to go to the bridal chamber. You
say, "Did you go?" No. Definitely not. I didn't enter
the convent to be a bad woman. It would have been much
easier to have stayed out of the convent to be a bad
woman. You wouldn't go into the convent and live in
the poverty we live in and to suffer as we suffered to
be a bad woman. No girl would do that and it would
have been much easier to stay out of the convent if I
wanted to be a bad woman, but I went there to give my
life and heart to God and that was the only purpose I
had in going there. And here this priest is, and of
course I didn't go to the bridal chamber with him. I
had a strong body then. One of us would have been
wounded because I would have fought until the last
drop of blood. And you know it made them very, very
angry I'll assure you because I didn't go to the
bridal chamber with him.


Now I'm going to have to go to penance the next
morning and of course this will be a heavier penance
because of what I done already. And when the mother
superior says, "We're going to do penance" the next
morning I'm going to be initiated as a Carmelite nun.
And I remember when she walked me down into that
particular place it was a dark room. Remember, I lived
above, one the first floor until my black veil. After
the black veil they take me one story under the
ground. And I lived from there on, until God delivered
me, under the ground. I didn't live in the top part of
this building at all. You know, as we walked into this
room it's dark and it's very cold. And when we walked
in we came from back there somewhere and we come
walking to the front and I walked alongside the mother
superior and when we got near the front I saw those
little candles burning. Anywhere in the convent you'll
find the seven candles burning. And when I came a
little closer I saw the candles but I couldn't see
anything else and I wondered, "What's she going to do
to me?" That's the thing in our hearts and we can't
get away from it because we have fear.

And when I come a little closer I saw something lying
on a board there. And you know when I came real close
then I realized, here's a little nun lying on that
board. I'll call it a cooling board because it was
that. And just as long as her body. And there she was
and when I could see where the candles flickered down
on her face I realized, "That child is dead!" And oh,
I wanted so much to say, "How did she die? Why is she
here? How long do you keep her here?" But you remember
I signed away every human right and so I can't say one
word, but I stood looking. And the mother superior
said, "You stand vigil over this dead body for one
hour." And at then end of the hour a little bell is
tapped and another nun will come to relieve me. And
may I say I was advised every so many minutes I have
to walk out in the front of that little body and
sprinkle holy water and ashes over the body and say,
"Peace be unto you."

And I did exactly what they told me to do. Oh, it was
a terrible feeling. I'm not afraid of the dead. It's
the live people we have to be very cautious about. And
I wasn't afraid of that little dead nun, but oh, my
heart ached for her. And you know after the bell
tapped and I realized my hour is gone the nun who
comes to relieve us comes back here somewhere and of
course she walks on her tiptoes. No noise is made in
the convent and they don't speak, they just touch you.
And, of course, my being down there with that little
dead nun I was full of fear. Well that girl laid a
hand on my shoulder, I let out a scream, a horrible
scream from fear, just fear. I didn't mean to do it. I
didn't break that rule on purpose, but I was scared.

And immediately, of course I had to come before the
mother superior and that's when I first learned to
know, one of the first times about a dungeon. They
didn't tell me there were dungeons in the convent. And
she put me in such a dirty dark place with no floor in
it for three days and nights. And I didn't get any
food and any water, and I'll assure you, I didn't
scream any more. I tried so hard not to break the
rules of screaming because there is a dungeon and I
know they'll put you in it. And let me tell you right
now, it's not a nice place to be. After you've been in
one of those places, you'll know what it feels like.

Alright, now, I'll say this now before I go any
further, that popery is a masterpiece of Satan. I said
it's a masterpiece of Satan with his lying wonders and
his traditions and his deceptions. It's a terrible
thing when you know about it.

And so, as I come down into this room and she took me
and let me look at this little girl, and that
particular, we call it a penance is over. Now the very
next morning she said again to me, "Charlotte, you're
going to do penance." (Not the next morning, it was
three days afterwards because I spent three days and
nights in the dungeon). So the fourth, fifth morning,
whichever it was she said, "You're going to do

She took me down into another room. Not the same room.
And when we come walking down this time I could see
that big piece of wood but I didn't know what it was.
And when I came a little closer there was a cross. It
was made of heavy timber. I might say it was eight or
ten feet high. Very heavy. And that cross was sitting
on an incline like that. And she had me walk over here
at the base of the cross and she said, "Now strip your
clothes off." And I took my clothes off down to my
waistline. Then she made me drape my body over the
foot of that cross and she pulled my hands underneath
and bound them to my feet. That's where I'm going to
spill my blood. She had not told me how, and neither
could I ask how I would spill it. She gave two little
nuns that came with her, a flagellation whip. I might
call it a bamboo pole. It's about this long, it's
about that big around, and it has six straps on it
about this long. On the end of either (each) of those
straps there's a crossed piece of sharp metal. And
those little nuns, each was given one of those whips
and they stood on either side of the cross. At the
same time those girls began whipping my body. And I
mean when that metal hit my body it would break the
hide of course. It would cut into the flesh and I
spilled blood. It was running down to the floor.
That's my flagellation whipping. That is where I spill
my blood as Jesus did upon Calvary. And of course I'm
human, it wounded, it hurt! It was very painful.

After the whipping is over, they don't bathe my body.
They put my clothing back on my body and I have to go
the rest of the day. When the night comes and I stand
in front of my cell there, after we have to stand
there to undress with our backs to each other, then
when I went in, oh, I couldn't sleep that night. I
wasn't a bit sleepy because I couldn't take off all my
clothes. They had dried in those wounds and it was
terrible. I didn't take them off for several nights.
And I'll assure you that when I came before my food I
didn't want my cup of black coffee.


In the morning we get a cup of black coffee they serve
in a tin cup and we can have no milk or no sugar of
any type and we have one slice of bread. That's made
by the nuns of the cloister. They weigh it. It weighs
four ounces [113 g.]. That's all I get for breakfast.
And then, of course, in the evening I get a bowl of
soup, and that's fresh vegetables cooked together
(there's no seasoning in the soup whatsoever) and a
half a slice of bread and three times a week they give
me a half a glass of skim milk. That consists of my
food 365 days in the year. And I began loosing weight
very rapidly, I'll assure you, because I didn't have
enough food to eat. I don't know the day that I went
to bed without a hungry stomach. Sometimes it would be
so hungry I couldn't sleep. The pain was gnawing. You
can't hardly stand it and you know you're only going
to get that one slice of bread the next morning. That
doesn't fill you up.

And of course, we have to work hard all day long. And
I'll assure you, those little nuns, and I covet your
prayers for them, they need your prayers in more ways
than one because you'll go to bed with a full stomach
tonight and you're very comfortable right now. But
I'll assure you, there's not one of them that's
comfortable. They're hungry, and they're sick, and
they're wounded, and they're hurt. They're heartsick
and homesick and discouraged and, worst of all
seemingly, they have no hope. No hope. You and I are
looking forward to the day when we're going to see
Jesus. They have no hope whatsoever and I surely hope
you don't forget to pray for them. Alright that was
terrible. I'll assure you.

Then in a few mornings after this, the mother superior
is taking me back for another initiation. And when I
go into the penance chamber this morning we come from
a place up here and we're going to walk along like
that clear to the back. And you know, it was quite a
ways back there and I went through- part of it's a
tunnel. And then I come out into a room and I'll walk
through that railing. When I get way back there I see
those candles burning and I see something else.
There's ropes hanging down from the ceiling and, oh,
I'm so scared! I wonder what the ropes are for and
what she's going to do. After these two penances, you
began to have a lot of fear in your heart. And so I
can't say anything and I walk back there and, you
know, I saw the ropes then real plain. What they're
doing hanging down from that ceiling?

Then she tells me, "You go over there against the
wall." About that close from the wall and I have to
stand sideways like this. Then she asks me to put up
both of my thumbs and I did. And then she pulled one
rope down and there's a metal band fastened securely
and she fastens that around the joint of my thumb.
Then the other one comes down and fastens around this
thumb. And there I'm standing like this, facing the
wall and then, you know, she comes over here to the
end and there's a, uh, whatever you want to call it.
She starts winding, and I start moving! And she's
taking me right up in the air. And, you know, when she
gets me so just my toes are on the floor, just on my
tiptoes, she fastens it. And there I hang. And all the
weight of my body is on my thumbs and on my toes. Not
a word is said. No one speaks a word. And she walks
out of that room and locks the door. If you know what
it means to hear a key lock in a door and know that
I'm strung up there like that! You'll never know
unless you're a nun. And when that woman walked out I
didn't know how long I'll stay there, how long that
woman would leave me there. And, you know, they didn't
come to give me food. They brought me no water. And I
thought, "Is this it? Am I going to die back here just
like this?"

And within a few hours, you can imagine, I'm still a
human being, my muscles began to scream out with the
pain. I was suffering. And woman let me hang. Nobody
came near. And what good would it do for me to cry?
You can spill every tear in your body. Nobody will
hear you. There's nobody there to care how many tears
you spill. And so I just hung there. And finally I
began to, seemingly, I felt like I couldn't stand it.
I'll surely die if they don't come and get me quickly!
And I felt as if I was beginning to swell.

I don't know how long went by and she opened the door
one morning and she had something for me to eat and
the water was in a pan. And it was potatoes, and those
potatoes were not good to eat. They were in a pan. And
there's a shelf over there on the wall that she can
adjust to the height of the nun. And you know, she
pulled it up. Now (recall) I'm not against the wall.
I'm about this far from it. But you get that food. She
puts it there and says, "This is your food." And she
walks out.

Now, how am I going to get it? She didn't let my hands
down. But this is what you'll learn and you'll
struggle to get it. I'm hungry. I'm so thirsty I feel
like I'm going mad. And to get it, I discovered that
this hand goes high and this one will come down a
little bit. And that'll keep on going higher as I lean
I have to reach higher with this one. This one (the
other) will automatically let down. And to get that
water and that food I mean I had to get it like the
dogs and cats. And I lapped as much of it as I could
because I am so thirsty. And get those potatoes? I
tried as hard as I could because I'm hungry! I mean
I'm hungry! And I got as much of it as I could,
naturally. But I was hungry! That's the way she fed me
for a while, and then she released the bonds on my
hands and on my feet- (I shouldn't have said on my
feet). She didn't release the bonds. She let me hang
there for nine days and nine nights. (I almost got it
mixed up with one of the other penances I want to give
to you). I hung nine days and nine nights in this
position and, may I say, the time come when I was so
swollen here (and naturally I could see myself puffing
out here) I felt like my eyes were coming out of my
head. I felt like my arms were apart. I could see on
them right there they were two or three size their
normal size. I felt like I was that way all over my
body and I was like a boil. I was in real suffering.

And then on the ninth day she comes in and she
releases the bonds from my hands and my body and lets
me down on the floor. Now I go down, I can't walk.
I'll assure you I didn't walk. I didn't walk for a
long time. But you know what? There's two little nuns,
they carry me out. One gets under my feet, one gets
under my shoulders and they carry me in to the
infirmary and they lay me on a slab of wood, and there
they cut the clothing from my body. And let me tell
you right now, nobody but God will ever know! I'm
covered with vermin and filth. Why? I'm hanging there
in my own human filth. There are no toilet facilities
[in the penance chamber]. Right behind me is a stool
and they had running water in it and the lid is down
and they have sharp nails driven through that lid. If
I break my ropes and fall on that, I would suffer
terribly! And this is the life of a little nun behind
cloister doors after they've already deceived us,
disillusioned us, and got us back there, then this is
the life that we're living and these are the things
that we're going to have to do. And I'll assure you,
it isn't anything funny.


And then I remember as I lived on in that place, oh
let me tell you! In the morning we have to get up out
of our beds at 4:30 in the morning. The mother
superior taps a bell and that means five minutes to
dress and may I say to you folk, it's not five a half
minutes. You better get that clothing on in five
minutes. I failed one time and I had to be punished
severely, but I never failed again in all the years in
the convent. And you know, when we are finished
dressing, then we're going to start marching. And we
march by the mother superior and that mother
superior's going to appoint us to an office duty every
morning. It might be scrubbing. It might be ironing.
It might washing. It might be doing some hard work.
But I have to work one hour, then we'll go in and
gather around the table and we'll find, sitting in
front of us, our tin cup full of coffee and our slice
of bread.

And then, of course, we have hard work to do. We have,
I think there was 12 tubs in the convent that I lived
in, and we washed on the old-fashioned washboard. We
have the old flat iron that you heat on the stove. And
you know, it wouldn't be so bad if we just had our own
clothing in the convent, but the priests bring great
bundles of clothing and put them in there because they
can get them done for nothing. And we have to do that
clothing on top of it. We work very, very hard, and
they [the nuns] are not able to work because they
don't have enough food to eat, food to keep body,
mind, and soul together. And these little girls are
living under those particular circumstances. Well, I
say we're women without a country, and I mean just
exactly what I say, women without a country. Now we
belong to the pope. Anything they want to inflict upon
my body they can do it. And all the howling I do, if I
should howl, it wouldn't make any difference because
nobody's going to hear me, and they have no idea that
I'll ever leave the convent. The plan is I'll die
there and be buried there.

Now you say, "Charlotte, can you go into the convent?"
Any one of you folk can go into an open order convent
or a closed convent into the speak room, and there is
an outside chapel that you can walk into, of any that
I know anything about. But don't you just go in there
and wander around to have some place to go, because
you might meet something you're not expecting. If you
go in there, you go prepared to take food to some
little girl that's in there, and be sure that you know
who you're taking it to. And when you go, as you walk
up toward the front of the building like this, you'll
see a bell, and you'll know what to do because it'll
tell you. And you press a button there and there'll be
a gate swing out. It has about three shelves on it.
And, of course you've brought something for someone
that you know in the convent. It might be the mother
coming to visit her daughter. And you know, when that
bell is tapped the mother superior is back here behind
a big black rail. Now that's a big iron gate there's
heavy folds of black material clear across there and
you can't go back there. You'll never see the mother
superior, but she'll answer you behind the black veil.
And you might say, "I've brought some homemade candy
for my daughter" and you might ask the mother superior
to let you speak to her. You can't see here, but you
can speak to her.

You know, the mother will call that lovely little girl
and call her out on the other side of the rail. You
can't see her. And you know what? The mother will
speak to her and say, "Honey, are you happy here?"

And that little nun will say, "Mother, I am very

You say, "Why did she say that?" Well, bless your
heart! Don't you know that the mother superior is
standing there and if we didn't say that, after our
mother is gone, then only God knows what the mother
superior will do to the little nun, and so we must lie
to our mother. Then the mother will say, "Do you have
plenty to eat?" And that little nun will answer and
say, "We have plenty to eat." But, I'll tell you, that
mother will go home. She'll prepare a lovely meal for
the rest of the family, but if she could look in and
see our table and see what her little girl is eating,
if she could look into her little girl's eyes after
she's been there for four years, she'd see those eyes
are back in her head. She'd see that her little body's
begun to waste away. I'll assure that mother, she'll
never eat another meal at home. No never. You'd never
enjoy another meal if you could see your child after
she's in a convent for a period of time. But these
things, of course, are under cover and we have to take
what they give us.


Alright, now they can make us do anything. Here we
are, the mother superior and I might be down in the
laundry room, washing. (And I told you how we washed).
And it's a cement floor. Doing the type of laundry we
do, some of it's very heavy. The water slops out on
the floor and, oh it's such a mess! We'd walk in it
and you know, then here comes the mother superior and
to me, a mother superior, I'd just as soon you'd turn
loose a lion that's very hungry and let it come
walking down that aisle as to see a mother superior in
a convent. I was scared to death of her. Every time I
saw that woman somebody had to suffer and we're afraid
of her and she knows that we're afraid of her because
she's cruel, I'll say her heart is callused. And here
she comes. And there we are washing. And I tell you
when she comes (and we know her, we feel her presence.
Before you ever see her you know her footstep), and
you know, we'll wash a little harder. But when she
gets down to you, wherever you are, she might address
me, and she'll say, "You come out here." And I'm out
there like a flash because I'm scared. And then she'll
say, "Prostrate yourself down and lick so many crosses
on that floor." That's a cement floor! And of course I
have to prostrate my body and lick those crosses, and
those are not little tiny crosses. As far as I reach I
have to lick those crosses. And she watches my
countenance. If I don't like it and she knows I that I
don't like it then she might say, "Ten." She might
say, "Twenty-five." And then, you know, the next
morning she might walk back there again, and because
she saw something in my face that made her to know I
didn't like what she wanted me to do she may call me
again. My tongue by this time may be sore. It's
bleeding, but I have to lick those crosses on the
floor again. And then they do the same way about
compelling us to crawl. They'll compel you to crawl,
and I, may I say, it could be up and down an aisle
like this ten times.

We know nothing about this lovely gospel of Jesus
Christ. And so we have to do these things. Then the
mother superior might walk through the cell door. By
the way, in our cell, there's nothing in there but the
Virgin Mary, that is, she's holding the baby Jesus,
and there's a crucifix, and then we have a prayer
board. And by the way, I'll assure you folk, you'll
never want to lean on our prayer board. We lean on it
every day if we are able to walk under our own power.
It is a board about this high from the ground and
there are two leaning up like this one. And this one
is about this wide and I'm going to drop my knees down
on it and there are sharp wires coming up through that
board. And then, this one up here, I'll prostrate my
arms on. There's going to be sharp wires. After all, I
told you we were going to suffer. We were going to do
penance, and this is a part of my suffering. As I
kneel on that prayer board I'm praying for lost
humanity and I'm believing, as I suffer, that my
grandmother will be released from a priest's purgatory
sooner because of my suffering. And I'll kneel there
longer sometimes. It's terrible. We don't know any
better, so we'll do that because that's all that
little nun does know, and we believe it.

And there we are, and we are locked in our cells.
Every night the key is turned in those doors. We can't
get up and come out of there. Then, more than that,
seven minutes of twelve (We go to bed at 9:30. The
lights are out), seven minutes of twelve there's two
little nuns appointed to unlock every door. Every
little nun again gets on her feet, dresses in full
dress, goes into the inner chapel and there we again
pray one hour for lost humanity. We don't get very
much sleep. That's why. And we don't get enough food
and we work hard and we suffer much. That's why our
bodies are so broken. That's why we seemingly don't
have enough strength to carry on after we've lived


But, I'd like to say this before I go on any farther.
Now I did those very things. We are taught to believe
that as we spill our own blood (now we must do this),
as I whip my body, if I torment it or torture it in
any way that I spill blood, I'm taught to believe that
I'll have 100 less days to spend in purgatory. Now you
know we have no hope. Those little nuns don't look
forward to anything. You may think they do, but we
don't. Why? After you live in a convent 10 years, I
began to realize the Virgin Mary is just a piece of
metal. She's a statue. I began to realize St. Peter's
just a statue. I began to realize that the statue of
Jesus is just a piece of metal. In other words we come
to the place to believe that our God is a dead god.
And I'll assure you, after you live in a convent long
enough, not at first, oh no, but after we've suffered
enough, after we've fallen down at the feet of those
statues and spilled our tears on them and have begged
them to intercede and get a prayer through to God and
years go by with no answer from them whatsoever. A
parent won't even know when they're dead. So who's
going to pray us out of purgatory? Or, rather, buy us
out of purgatory?

No, we realize after we're in there for a period of
time that there is no purgatory. Of course, you know
there isn't and I know there isn't, and there is no
purgatory. The only purgatory the Roman Catholic
people have is the priest's pocket, and they're
filling his pockets with coins in order to pray for
the dead. And may I say there are thousands and
thousands of Roman Catholics in the month of November,
may I say to you, in the United States two years ago
in the month of November the Roman Catholic priests
prayed masses for the dead of the Roman Catholic
people of this country in one month collected 22
million dollars for masses said for dead Roman
Catholics. That's just a little idea or sample of
what's going on in this country, and still there are
thousands of mothers that will work their fingers to
the bone to go over there and give the priest another
five dollars to say a mass for loved one that is in
purgatory, because that mother believes there is a

In the convent they have a painting of purgatory, and
there's nothing in the room but just that painting.
And you know, every Friday we have to walk around that
painting. And when we walk around it, I would you
could look at the little nuns faces. What do I see?
The painting, as you would walk around it, looks like
its a big deep hole out there and there are people
down in there, and the flames of fire are lapping
around the bodies of those people, and their hands are
outstretched like this, and the mother will say to the
little nuns, "You better go and put another penance on
your body. Those people are begging to get out of that

And because we're heathens, we don't know any better.
I might go someplace in the convent and maybe I'll
burn my body real bad. Maybe I'll torture some way and
spill some more blood, because as I suffer I believe
that they're going to get out of that place where a
priest puts them. And there are millions of people so
to speak, in purgatory that your priests have put
there and when he know that it is the biggest fraud in
the world. He knows there's not a bit of truth to it.
And, bless your heart, I often say if you take
purgatory and mass away from the Roman Catholic Church
and you'll rob her of nine-tenths of her living.
She'll starve to death if you would take it away from
her. She commercializes, not only off of the living,
but off of the dead. And on and on it goes.


Alright. It doesn't bother a mother superior to take
one of those dear little girls, and may I say, you
know, when the priests come into the convent they come
as our father-confessors. Once a month we go to
confession, and (we don't want to go, don't you
worry!) I've many a time got in the back row. I didn't
want to go in there. I know who's out there. One of
them, (I may not know the particular man, but I know
he's a priest), and I know those priests. I certainly
have seen them enough. I've lived there long enough. I
certainly have had contact with every one of them. And
I'll assure you this one thing, I don't trust one
single one of those in the convent. Now, we're not
telling you about all the priests. I don't know all
the priests. I'm just talking about the convent in my
personal testimony about convent life, and you know we
know something about what's out in that room. Here we
are. We know we're going to confession today. It may
take all day long. And here he comes, and I have never
seen a Roman Catholic priest come into the convent
that I was in without intoxicating liquor under his
belt. And I say a man or a woman, regardless of who
you may be, when you get liquor under your belt, you
are not a man, neither are you a woman. You become an
animal and a beast. And so we have a beast sitting out
there. There's a straight-backed, hard-bottomed chair.
No other furniture but the crucifix and the Virgin
Mary, but here he is sitting on that chair right out
there in the middle of that room. Now here a little
girl has to walk out there alone, and she has to kneel
down. Think of it! Why bless your heart, I really
sometimes, I'm saved now, I'm out of the convent and I
now look back at that Roman Catholic priest and I
often say, "I'm sure he was a twin brother to the
devil because he's full of sin. He's full of vice.
He's full of corruption."

And we go out there and we kneel down at his knees.
Now you are a lucky girl if you get away from that man
without being destroyed. Why, he's drunk. He's just a
beast. He's not a man. Oh, he has a holy habit on.
He's an ordained Roman Catholic priest, and so I'll
assure you, we don't like to go to confession, but we
must go once a month. And those little girls can't
help themselves, and nobody comes out into that room
but the priest and I until it's all over, and then we
can come back and the next one will have to come. And
I'll assure you, we don't appreciate that day. And
those little girls don't know any better. They don't
know anything about the plan of salvation. They don't
know that Jesus went to Calvary and died for them.
They don't know that he shed his blood for them. Those
little girls know nothing about it, because to me,
I'll repeat again, the Bible was a hidden book to
every one of those little girls.

And so now they can do things like this. Now if a
Roman Catholic priest comes into the convent, he may
go to the mother superior and ask her to permit him to
go into the cell where one of the nuns are. And you
know, that mother with her carnal mind and her carnal
heart, and she's very hard and very carnal, and she is
the mother many times of many illegitimate children,
they belong to the priest. And you know, she'll take
that priest, and he drinking, she knows it. They bring
liquor in with them. Sometimes some of the nuns will
drink with them, and the mother usually drinks with
them. (And it's really a terrible place, it is, not a
religious order. It does not live up to that name
whatsoever). But here she brings that priest into one
of our cells. Now, I wonder if you realize how serious
it is. That Roman Catholic priest, he has liquor under
his belt. We know that. But he has a big strong body.
He's had three square meals of food every day of his
life. He can eat all the food that he wants. But you
know, there's a little nun that may have a broken
body, and she may not have very much strength. And
what did he come into that cell for? For nothing other
than to destroy that little nun.

I often say I wish the government could walk into a
convent just about the time one of those priests are
let into a cell. The mother will turn a key in the
lock and you're locked in there with that priest. Now
we have no way to defend ourselves, and I often say (I
had to nurse those little girls. I'm an R.N. I got my
nurse's training by going through the tunnel over to
the hospital as I lived in an open order convent). But
may I say that after that priest is taken out of
there, if you could look upon the body of that little
nun, she looks like something you'd throw out in a hog
pen and a half dozen old sows had just mauled that
child's body. And this is convent life! I can
understand why your priests are calling over the phone
every day or two and screaming their heads off because
I'm in this city giving this testimony. But may I say
to you, I don't mind if they continue to scream. I
don't mind what they do. I'm not one bit afraid of
them. I'll continue to give this testimony. As long as
God gives me strength, I'll be giving this testimony
regardless of your priests or your bishops in this
country. I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm
saying, and I'm not afraid of anybody in all of this
world. I'm a child of God, and I believe God won't let
anybody put a hand on me until my work is finished,
and then I often say, I don't care what you do to my
body after I leave this body. I'm sure I don't mind.
So I will continue to give this testimony, regardless
of what your priests think about it, because I think
God saved me to pull the cover off of convents. I
believe He saved me to uncloak those places that are
riding under the cloak of religion. I believe that
with all of my heart. I'll assure you I do.

Now, if I refuse to give my body (you know we are
supposed to give our body voluntarily to those
priests. Many times the nuns are overpowered), but if
I refuse to give my body voluntarily to them, then you
know he becomes very angry and he goes immediately to
the mother superior. Then when two carnal minds come
together, they can invent things that you and I- we
don't have enough evil in our heart to invent things
like that. We don't have enough sin in our lives to
even think of such terrible things. And when those two
carnal minds come together, the next time, I want you
to know, they're all ready. Now the mother superior
might say to me in a day or two, "Now, we're going to
do penance." Now the penance that they'll inflict on
me is something that the mother superior and the
priest has invented and it might be very, very cruel.
They might take me down into one of the dirty dungeons
(and there's no floors in those places), and you know
they have a place down there, there are rods about
three feet long. They have them burrowed down into
cement and at the top of it there's a ring about this
big sticking out of the ground. They have some leather
straps fastened there. And when they take me down
there, they put either foot through those rings and
then they strap my ankles securely. Now I'm standing
[balanced above the floor?] with my feet in those


Alright. They're going out of there, and they're going
to leave me locked up in that place by myself. And
it's a dirty place. Why I might stand there for two or
three hours, if I have strength enough in my body. But
what do you think's going to happen to me then? I
can't stand any longer. Sometimes we faint. Sometimes
we just become exhausted and we go down. But when I go
down, it flips my ankles over like that and I can't do
anything about it. I don't have what it takes for me
to get up. I may have to lie in that position for two
or three days and no one will come near. They won't
give me a bite of food. They won't bring me one drop
of water, but I must stay there. And the next thing
you feel is the bugs crawling over my body and the
mice running over me, and I still have to stay there.
I can understand why they don't want me to uncover.
They don't want the world to know these things are
going on. No priest in this country wants it. And if
he doesn't want the world to know it, he better be
pretty careful that nobody ever gets out of a convent
after they've spent a few years back there.

But may I say again to you that my God is greater than
all the outside forces. My God can reach his hand over
there into those convents in this country or any other
country and make a way for a girl to come out and he
won't have to ask the bishops to help Him. He won't
have to ask the priests to help Him, but God can make
a way for us to come out. I'll assure you that.


Well on it goes. Then sometimes the priest come and
they get angry at us because we refuse to sin with
them voluntarily. And you know, after all, the nuns
bodies are broken after we're there awhile. And many,
many the time, to have him strike you in the mouth is
a terrible thing. I've had my front teeth knocked out.
I know what it's all about. And then they get you down
on the floor and then kick you in the stomach. Many of
those precious little girls have babies under their
heart, and it doesn't bother a priest to kick you in
the stomach with a baby under your heart. He doesn't
mind. The baby is going to be killed anyway because
those babies are going to be born in the convent. Why
wouldn't babies be born when you run places like this
under the cloak of religion? The world thinks it's a
religious orders, and there are babies born in there.
And most of the babies are premature. Many of them are
abnormal. Very, very seldom do we ever see a normal

You say, "Sister Charlotte, do you dare to say that?"
I most definitely do dare to say it, and I intend to
keep on saying it. Why? I've delivered those babies
with these hands, and what I've seen with my eyes and
I've done with my hands, I just challenge the whole
world to say it isn't true. And the only way they can
ever prove it isn't true, they'll have to open every
convent door. If they ever serve a summons on me and
call me into court, I'll assure you this one thing:
convents are coming open and then the world will know
what convents really are. And they'll have to open
them to vindicate my testimony, because I know what
I'll do if they ever serve a summons on me. I've been
before the highest laws we have in the United States.
I know what I'm doing. I know what I can say, and I'm
not one bit afraid to say it because I've been a part
of this. I've been connected with this system 22 years
behind convent doors, and it is a terrible thing.

When that dear little nun is looking forward to that
day when her precious baby will be born, most of you
dear mothers, oh, you have everything ready. The
beautiful nursery! All the baby's beautiful clothes
are made. Everything is lovely! You're looking forward
to that precious little immortal soul that's going to
be born into your home, and everything is ready. Oh I
wish you could see that little nun. She's not looking
forward to that. There won't ever be a blanket around
his body. They'll never bathe that baby's body, but he
can only live four or five hours. And then the mother
superior will take that baby and put her fingers in
its nostrils, cover its mouth and snuff its little
life out.

And why do they build these lime pits in the convent?
What is the reason for building them if it isn't to
kill the babies? And that baby will be taken into the
lime pit and chemical lime will be put over its body.
And that's the end of babies. Oh, when I think about
it! That's why I try to challenge people. Pray! If you
know how to pray, if you know how to contact God, pray
and ask God to deliver the girls behind convent doors.
In other words, pray that God will make a way for
every convent in the United States to be opened, and
let the government go in. And when the government goes
in, you won't have to worry. The convents will be
opened. The nuns will be taken out, and [the convents]
will be closed up just as they opened the convents in
old Mexico in 1934. There are no convents in old
Mexico. Every posturate(?) is open and they found all
of the corruption back there. The lime pit. If any of
you are taking a vacation, go over into old Mexico.
The government owns them. They're public museums. Go
through the convents. Look with your own eyes. Touch
with your own hands, and then come home and see if you
believe my testimony. It'll still every bit of red
blood in you veins. I mean it'll do something to you
that nothing else has ever been able to do. Go through
them and look at them. Go into the dungeons. Go into
the tunnels. Go through the lime pit and look at the
skulls, rooms of skulls over there, and then ask the
guide where they come from. And go and see all the
devices of torture they placed upon the bodies of the
little nuns. Go into their cells and look at their
beds and see for yourself. Oh yes, you can go. It'll
cost you twenty-five cents to go through each one of
them. You look at those things and see them for
yourself, and then come home and maybe it will give
you a greater burden to pray for little girls that
have been enticed behind convent doors by the
hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church.


I wonder how you would feel if this was your child.
And remember, I have a mother and daddy, or had one,
and they loved me just as much as you love your
children. And when they let me go into the convent I'm
sure my mother and daddy didn't expect these things to
happen because they didn't know. They never dreamed a
convent was like this. But, you know, I wonder how
you'd feel if you could walk in someday and out there
in this particular room, that floor is built for this
purpose. There's a partition right out there, and
there's just a little thing they can touch. It
automatically opens, and, you know, there's a deep
hole underneath that floor and this little nun has
done something. I can't tell you what she's done
because I wasn't there when she done it, but she's
done something, and to them it's very serious. And
when they bring her, they bring here to this
particular place. Her little hands and feet are going
to be bound securely. They're going to drop her in
that horrible, horrible pit, and then they're going to
put the boards back down. Oh, there's plenty of
chemical and lime down there. But you know, they don't
do that. Six little nuns have to walk around that
[open] hole. We'll chant as we walk around that hole.
We don't want any evil spirits to come out into the
convent, so we sprinkle holy water over that hole. We
may walk for six hours and then they'll appoint six
more nuns, and on and on it goes until we hear the
last moan.

And that's the end of the little nun they placed down
there. No, she'll never be delivered from the convent,
but does it bother you to know that that little nun
will die and be lost? Does that bother you? It bothers
me because I didn't know Jesus I couldn't tell her
about God. I didn't know him myself. But it bothers me
very, very much, but God will not hold me accountable.
Her blood will not be on my hands because I didn't
know the Lord and I couldn't tell her about him. And
so, on it goes, and I wonder how you see it.

Here we are, a body of those little nuns. On this
particular morning, the mother superior might say
this, "We're all going to be lined up here." And I
don't know what she's lining me up for. And then, you
know, there might be ten others, there might be 15
others, and then she'll tell us all to strip and we
have to take every stitch of our clothing off. We're
certainly not anything beautiful to look at. Ours eyes
are back in our head. Our cheeks are fallen in. Our
bodies are wasted. God only knows what we look like,
because I never saw myself in 22 years. I didn't know
I had gray hair. I didn't know I had lines in my face.
I didn't know how old I was- I only found that out
about six years ago. You know nothing about what you
look like.

And here we are, lined up, and here comes two or three
Roman Catholic priests with liquor under their belts,
and there they're going to march in front of those
nude girls and choose the girl they want to take to
the cell with them. These are convents, cloistered
convents, not open orders. The priest can do anything
he wants to and hide behind the cloak of religion.
Then that same Roman Catholic priest will go back into
the Roman Catholic churches and there he'll say mass,
and there he'll go into the confessional box and make
those poor people believe he can give them absolution
from their sins when he's full of sin. When he's full
of corruption and vice, still he acts as their God.
What a terrible thing it is. And on it goes.


Well, I lived there. Now all the time these things are
going on, what do you think is happening inside of
Charlotte? God love your hearts! I didn't know people
could hold so much hatred and bitterness. And it went
on and on. I was filled with bitterness and hatred,
and I mean it continued to build. I began in my heart
to think, "When I can get the mother superior in a
certain place, I'll kill her." Isn't it awful to get
murder in our hearts? I didn't go into the convent
with a heart like that nor a mind like that, but I
began to plan murder in the convent, how I could kill
her, and how I could kill a Roman Catholic priest. And
on and on it goes. And oh, I'll tell you, every time
she'd inflict something awful on my body, that I'd
have to suffer so terribly, when I could think
sensibly again, then I would begin to plan. how I
could kill that woman. And on it goes. Well, after all
you can't help it. For instance, I wonder how you
would feel.

The mother superior, here she is, and she's going to
sit me down in a chair. And you know, that chair is
straight-backed, hard-bottomed and I don't have any
hair. She's going to take everything off my head. And
you know she's going to put my hands like this. They'd
be out here in stocks, and I going to have to bend my
head over like that in order to put the stocks across
my neck, and I'm fastened securely, and over my head
there is a faucet of water, and you know, there is a
faucet of water just above my head and my head's over.
Now that mother's going to turn that water on. Just a
drop, and the drop will come about this fast. It'll
hit me right there on the back of my head, and you
know, I can't move either way. I sat there. One hour,
two hours, three hours, four hours. What do you
think's going on? I'm sitting there. I can't move. I
do everything to get away from that drop of water in
the same spot on my head. Why, God love your heart, if
you could look in you'd see us frothing at the mouth.
You'd see those little girls. They're trying so hard
to move to get away from that water, and they let us
stay there sometimes ten hours. All day long. Many,
many times a little nun cracks up completely. She goes
stark raving mad under this particular penance.

What in the world do they do with her? I'll tell you
in a few minutes. Don't you worry. They have a place
for us after we go mad in the convent. They take care
of us. They have places for the little nuns. There's
places built down there for us.

Well, on it goes. Well, you know, these things went on
and went on and went on. And it was terrible. But, you
know, I began to plan and plan and plan. After she has
done something like that to me it's terrible.

One day the mother superior took violently ill. You
say, "Who would take her place?" There are about
three, sometimes they have four older nuns, and they
always pick the one that's hard. The one that
seemingly is carnal. That one that has no conscience
to be a mother superior, and she works under this one.
One day if something happens to the main mother
superior, another one will take her place. And on it
goes. But, you know, this particular day they sent
word to me. "The mother superior," I was to come into
her room, "she's very sick." And quicker than
lightening I began to think, "If I got in that mother
superior's room! I know what I'll do." You know, after
all, I'm a sinner. I'm a nun, but I'm a sinner, and I
don't know God, and I have a lot of hatred in my
heart, and I walk in that room. They have called in an
outside Roman Catholic doctor. She's a very sick
woman, and he has left all orders, and they have left
the medicine and everything. Now I'm supposed to take
care of her, and that was wonderful. I do take care of
her. All day long I did what they told me to do, what
I'm supposed to do. And those particular tablets. I
knew what they were and what they would do, and I knew
what she was taking them for.

But anyway, all day long I gave her her medicine. I
done everything I'm supposed to. All evening long.
Why? I want to be sure what I'm doing. When I do it, I
have to be careful. And you know I waited until one
o'clock in the morning. Why? Because every night those
little nuns have to be gotten out of bed and chant
from twelve to one. Seven minutes of twelve, until
one. I thought I'll wait until all the nuns go back to
bed then I'm going to do something. And, bless your
hearts, after they were all back in their beds, I'll
tell you what I did. I took five or six of those
tables. I was only supposed to take one in a half a
glass of water every so often and give it to her. But,
because of the type they were and what type of tablet
it was, I knew what it would do. I put six of them in
a glass of water and stirred them up, and I gave them
to her. I knew she would go into convulsions. It would
twist her completely out of shape. I knew that woman
would suffer a million deaths in 25 minutes. I knew
that, and I thought, "I'm going to watch her suffer
because she has punished us. She has hurt us so many
thousands of times. I'll watch her suffer."

Isn't it terrible to think a child can live in a place
like that long enough until she has the same kind of a
heart almost the mother superior has. But that's what
comes when sin gets into you life. And so I waited.
You know, I gave them to her, and something happened
to me. I got scared, and I began to look at that woman
as she began to change color, and I couldn't find her
pulse. I couldn't find her respiration. I was
frightened, and I thought, "Oh! What shall I do? If
they find her dead, only God knows what they'll do to

I'll tell you what I did. I got that stomach pump and
pumped as quick as I could. I pumped that woman's
stomach. I massaged that woman. I done everything
there was to do, and oh, thank God, she didn't die. I
said I thank God. But, you know, I sat down by the bed
and held her hand and watched her carefully until the
respiration came back normal, until her pulse was
normal and I felt she would live.

And I thought of another thing. I'll do this then! I
saw where her keys were hid right there in her shelf
in her own room. So they're on a big chain, or a big
ring, and I thought, "I'm going to take those keys.
I'm going down into that dungeon. When I say down this
is two stories under the ground. I'm going someplace
where she's always warned us. It's a solid wall like
that, and clear to the back end of that wall there's
one door, and it's heavy, and it's always locked, and
I've heard her tell me scores of times (and I'm sure
she has [told] the others), "Don't ever try to go
through that door."


What in the world is over there, and why did she tell
us that? We can't get through it. It's locked! But,
you know, I wondered what was back there because when
they had me in the dungeon a long time once, I heard
screams under the ground. I heard such blood-curdling
screams, and I knew there was some girls locked up
somewhere, and so I'm going through there if I find
the key. And so I got her keys and I went into that
particular place. And when I got back there, it took a
while to do it, I want you to know, to find the key,
but oh, it unlocked that door! I walked through that
door, and I walked into a hall. The hall, I would say,
is maybe five feet wide, maybe wider than that. That's
just a guess. Anyway, on the other side of the hall
there were a number of cells over there. Small rooms,
and they had real heavy doors, and in those cells were
little nuns. And when I went up to the first one, near
the top of the door there's a little place about this
long, about that wide, and it has iron bars going
across there. And I looked right into the face of a
little nun that I knew, one that I had sat across the
table from, one that I had prayed with in the chapel.
I knew that girl, and here she is. They had chains and
a lock chained around either of her wrists and around
her waistline! I said, "When did you have something to
eat last?"

And no answer.

"How long have you been here?"

No answer.

I went down to the second, the third, the fourth, the
fifth, and the stench was getting so bad I couldn't
stand it. And you know, those little girls would not
talk. Why? I lived in the convent, you know, a long
time. I don't care if I was two miles under the
convent, way back there we were working back there and
we'd whisper. The next day I'd have to suffer because
the convents are wired and the mother superior can
hear every voice, every whisper, and then somebody
tells, and you're in some serious trouble. And those
nuns have been there long enough. What have they done?
I don't know, but those nuns are supposed to have
cracked up mentally and so they have to put them in
those chains. And when they die, they can't fall down
to the floor. They just drop in those chains and
slump. When they go in there, they don't give them any
more food, no more water. That's a slow death. And so,
as I saw all of that I became so sick from the
terrible stench, because many of them are already
dead. I don't know how long they've been dead.

I came out of there and walked back up to this room
where the mother superior was, and she was lying there
sleeping. And I watched her there carefully, and she
slept until the next day, long, long hours and didn't
waken. And when she did, she said, "I've had a long
sleep." And I said, "Yes." They let me take care of
her for three days, and you know, the third day- I
don’t know. You say, "Did she ever find out you was
down there?" Well not yet. I hope she didn't while I
was there.


But anyway, after three days they put me out in the
kitchen. In other words, when we go to the kitchen,
six of us go for a six weeks period. And this
particular time they put me out in the kitchen with
five other little nuns. What am I there for? I'm doing
the kitchen work. I'm going to do all of the cooking
that's done out there and take care of the work in the
kitchen. And so, when I when out in the kitchen, we
have a long table back here, and it's a work table,
and our vegetables will be prepared for the soup, and
that's what we were doing, all six of us. And
something happened. Our kitchen is a very large room,
and a very long room, not as wide as it is long, and
over at one end of it you will find over here there's
stair steps leading, about four of them leading down.
Then there's a landing right there. Over there is a
big heavy outside door, but here there is a landing.
Our garbage cans sit there, and right here is a
stairway, a cement one, leading down one story under
the ground. Now, I'm up on the first floor in this

Alright, now as I'm in there and we're in there
working something happened. Somebody touched the
garbage can. You know, all my convent life we are
taught never to break silence. We don't dare to make
noises in the convent. We are punished for them. And
when something touched the garbage can that's a noise.
Who in the world-? There's six of us and we're all
together. Who is touching the garbage can? I wheeled
around. They wheeled around, and we saw a man, and you
know, that man was picking up the full can and leaving
an empty one. I've never seen that before. I've been
in that convent for years, and in the kitchen, but I
never saw anything like that happen. I believe God had
his hand on me. With all my heart I believe it. And
you say, "What happened?" Well, we turned around
quickly because to us it's a mortal sin to look upon a
man other than a Roman Catholic priest. And I mean we
turned around quickly and went to our work. But, you
know, I thought, "If that man comes back again to get
another full can, I'm going to give him a note and I'm
going to ask him if I can run out with him."

But, I didn't do that, but do you know what I did?
When we run out of something in the kitchen there's a
pencil hanging up there on a chain, and bless your
heart, I have to (or whoever it is that runs out), you
have to write it on a tab, and of course I stole a
piece of paper off of a sack, and I thought, "I'll
carry that little piece of paper in my skirt pocket,
and every time I can get a hold of that pencil I'm
going to write a word or two on that note." And that's
what I did. It took quite a while to do it, but oh, I
watched that garbage can! Every time I could take the
garbage down there I did it. And you know, when it was
just about full, and I thought, "The next evening,
it'll be full when we put all the garbage in it."

And so, that afternoon I broke my crucifix, and I laid
it up on a shelf, and I had a hard time doing it
because they're watching me. But I did it, and I laid
it up on a shelf, and I did that to have a way to get
back to have a way to get back to that room, of
course. And when our dinner work is over, our supper
dishes, everybody has to go out at the same time and
we march by the mother superior. And, you know, when I
marched by, I stopped and said, "May I speak to you?"
And I did, and I said, "Mother Superior I broke my
crucifix and I left it in the kitchen. May I go for
it?" (And of course no nun goes without her crucifix).

And she said, "How did you break it?" I lied to her.
Everything she asked me, I lied to her. You say, "Why
did you lie?" She lies to us, and we're all sinners,
so we all lie, and it doesn't make any difference in
there. And so we lied, and I lied to her, and then
finally she said, "You go get the crucifix and come
right back." And that's all I wanted anyway. I have to
have a reason. You can't go back to the kitchen after
you've left it. So I didn't go for the crucifix, but
she thought I did, and I run for this tin can. Why?
That night when I put my garbage in there I put a note
right on top of that garbage and left the lid off,
which I was not supposed to do. And, you know, I said
on the note to the garbage man, "If you get this,
won't you please help me out? Won't you do something
to help the little nuns out?" I told him about those
19 cells down there and those 19 nuns in them. I told
him about some of the babies that had been killed. I
told him some other little nuns that are locked up in
the dungeon and they're bound with chains. I told him
a-plenty, and I said, "Won't you help us? If you will,
please leave a note under the empty can." That's what
I went back for.


And when I lifted up the can and found a note, you
don't know how I felt. I froze to the floor. I was so
scared I didn't know what to do. I picked that piece
of paper up and I read, and this is what that man
said, "I'm leaving that door unlocked and I'll leave
the big iron gate unlocked. You come out." Oh, let me
tell you. That's almost more than you'd ever- I never
dreamed I'd get out of a convent. I never thought of
ever getting out. I wanted out, but you say oh yes,
when I could collect myself I reached over and turned
the knob, and do you know, it opened! I walked out of
that convent and I slammed it through. I was sure the
lock was on it, and I got out to the big iron gate
but, oh, he had me trapped. That iron gate was just as
locked as it was ever locked! You don't know what it
done to me to stand looking at the iron gate. I'm
locked out of the convent. I have no right out there.
You can't imagine. I don't know if I groaned (?) right
there. I don't know. I know I've suffered enough
because I'm scared half to death. And what will I do
if I go back there and pound on that door? What will
they do with me? And, oh, the fear that grips your
heart. And you say, "What did you do?"

I didn't have any shoes and stockings on. I had worn
those out years ago. When I think of the Roman
Catholic Church being the richest church in the world
and they let those little nuns go winter and summer
without any shoes and without any hose, living in
crucial poverty, I wonder how they can do it! Hungry
as we are, their priests are all nice and fat. The
little nuns are so hungry, I wonder how they do it
sometimes. You say, "What did you do, Charlotte?"
Well, I'll tell you, I just took a hold of that big
iron gate, and I tried to climb it. That's all there
was for me to do. And up about a foot and a half from
the top there's a ledge about six inches wide. I
thought if I could get high enough to get my knee on
the ledge I'm safe. And I did. I got one knee on the
ledge, but by this time I don't have any strength left
either. And you know, I thought, "What'll I do? I'll
put one foot over, then I'll get the other over." Then
I realized I have three skirts on. My skirts are
gathered on a belt and they're clear down to my
ankles. My veil, of course is down to my knees in
front and that long in the back. How will I ever get
over those sharp points? And I thought, "I can't go
down, I don't have strength enough, so I'll have to
jump." And if I jump I'll break every bone because I
was a broken body, of course. And so I thought,
"What'll I do?" Well I pulled all of my clothing up
around my body and held them with one hand, and then I
thought, "I'll have to jump."

And you know, they have a buzzer in the convent, and
when a little nun tries to escape and they [go to]
catch her they put a buzzer on. And, oh, the priests
tell you they don't come to the convent, I wish you
could see the priests then. You'll find a good many of
them there, and they immediately are after that nun.
They don't want her out. If she comes out of that
convent, she's going to give a testimony some day, and
it'll pull the cloak off of convents. And I'll assure
you they don't intend for us to get out.

And so, as I let loose of that top of that gate and I
made that jump, I just didn't make it. My clothing
caught on top of those points and I hung there, but I
let loose. And I often say I don't know what I looked
like. I didn't know I had gray hair, but I've often
said, "Maybe my hair turned gray there." Maybe you'll
never know what I suffered hanging there on top of
that gate, knowing that buzzer could go on any minute
and then what would they do to me? I was scared. So I
thought I'd try to wiggle my body and to force swing
it if I can get back far enough to grab the gate with
one hand maybe I can help myself. And I did. And then
with the other hand I tried to pry the snappers loose
on my skirt, and that let me fall between them. Do you
know what happened to me? I hit the ground. I was out.
I was unconscious for a while. I don't know how long
though, we have no way to tell. But when I came to, I
had a shoulder broken and my arm was broken right in
here. The bone had snapped right through my flesh
because I didn't have any meat on me.


And I thought, "What'll I do?" And I realized I'm on
the outside. "Where am I going?" Where do you think
you'd go? I'm not in the United States. I'm in another
country and I don't know a thing about that country.
When they took me over there I was so heavily veiled
and they took me from that particular train to the
convent, I was so heavily veiled I couldn't see
anything. And I don't know where I am. I don't know
where to go. I don’t know if I have any people. I
don't know if I know anybody in the world. And I'm a
pauper. I don't have any money, and I'm hungry, and my
body's broken, and I'm hurt now. Where do you think
you'd go? I tell you. It's something to think about. I
just started away. But get away from the convent! And
I did. I started moving away.

All the leaves were falling and they made so much
noise! And I was scared, and I kept on moving, and
finally dark overtook me, or rather, there's no
twilight in that part of the country- it just drops
off into darkness. And, you know, I saw this little
building beside the road. I thought, "I'll crawl in
it." It was a doghouse or maybe a chicken coop or
something. But it's dirty and I crawled in there
because I was shaking and scared. And I lay in there a
little while to get a hold of myself, and I thought,
"I'll have to travel, it's dark. It's safer for me."
So I got out and I traveled that night and the next
day. I hid behind pieces of board and tin that was
piled up against an old building. And all day long,
imagine, hiding in that hot place! And hungry as I
was, with broken bones, do you realize what it was all
about? No. You will never know. But I do.

And then, you know, when night came again I have to go
because I'm going to get away from the convent. I'm
afraid to rap on somebody's door. Remember, I'm
scared. I don't know, I might rap on a Roman
Catholic's door. They'll immediately notify the
priests and I'll be taken back to the convent. And I'd
rather they kill me than take me back. And so I didn't
[knock], but I went on and on and on. And then the
next night I hid out in an old stroft (?) bag. And
then, that afternoon on the third day, I was scared
then because this arm was swollen as tight as it could
swell and I was having to carry it in the other hand.
And all my fingers began to turn blue, and I realized
gangrene poisoning was setting in. And, you know,
there's nobody to do anything for you. And I realized
I'm going to die just like a rat beside the road.
That's a terrible feeling, and I thought, "What'll I
do? I'll just get out and go [die] a little sooner.
I'll just have to rap on somebody's door." And that's
what I did.

I remember as I walked (I don't know how far) I saw
this lamp. It was an old fashioned lamp, burning. Very
poor house, no paint on it, and I knew those were poor
people. So I walked up to the screen door and I rapped
on it, and a tall man came to the door. He was rather
old. And I said, "Please, may I have a drink of
water." And you know, that old man didn't answer me,
but he walked back in the house, and he called his
wife. And, God bless her heart, she's like most
old-fashioned mothers. She came to the door, and she
didn't say, "Who are you and what do you want?" Thank
God there are a lot of good people in this world. That
dear little woman just pushed that door open and said,
"Won't you come in and sit down?" Do you know that's
the most beautiful music I ever heard in my life? I
should say I'll come in and sit down! And she pulled
out a chair, and I sat down on it. I'm glad to sit

And you know, she's poor. There're no rugs on the
floor of any type, red-checkered tablecloth on the
table, a little old stove over there in the corner,
and there was a fire in it. And that woman put some
milk in a pan and heated it and brought it over to me.
And, you know, I'm hungry. I don't have any manners. I
forgot how to act. I forgot a lot of things in 22
years. And I grabbed that glass of milk before she
ever sat it down, and I gobbled it down. I'm so
hungry, I felt like I'm, going stark mad. And I took
it instantly, and the moment it touched my stomach, of
course I couldn't retain it. I lost it. I haven't had
any whole milk in 22 years. You could understand why I
couldn't take it. And she knew what to do. She went
out into the kitchen and she heated some water, or
rather over to the stove and heated some water. And
bless her heart, she put some sugar in that water, and
she brought it over to me, and she sat down and gave
it to me from a spoon. I took every bit of it. Oh, it
was good! It was nourishing.

And then the daddy walked over by me and he said, "Now
tell us who you are and where you come from" I began
to cry. I was scared then. I said, "I've run away from
the convent and I'm not going back." And he said,
"What happened to you?" And my hand was laying upon
the table. And I said, "Well, I tried to get over the
gate and I fell, and I'm hurt."


And, you know, he said, "We'll have to call a doctor."
And bless your sweet life, then I really became
hysterical. I got up from the table, I was going to
run back outside, and they wouldn't let me. He said,
"Wait a minute. We're not going to hurt you. You're
hurt. You have to have help."

I said, "I don't have any money, and I don't have any
people, and I can't pay a doctor bill." I was just in
a terrible mess if you want to know it. And that man
said to me, "I'm going after a doctor." He said, "And
he's not a Roman Catholic, and neither am I." And that
dear man didn't have a car, but he hitched up a horse
and buggy and he drove nine miles to get a doctor. The
doctor came out in his car, and when he got to the
place, he got there ahead of the man. And when the
doctor walked in and walked around me, he just kept
walking around me and he was swearing. (Maybe he
didn't realize it was a terrible effect upon me). When
he stopped and looked at me, of course he was mad. He
was mad. Why was he mad? He was mad because he was
looking at something that was supposed to be a human
being, and I didn't even look like a human being I was
in such a horrible condition.

But finally he calmed down and he came over to me and
he said, "I'll have to take you to the hospital
tonight." Oh, I became hysterical. I said, "I don't
want to go. Please don't make me go!" Then he sat down
carefully and took my hand and he began to say, "I'm
not going to hurt you. You have to have help, and I
want to help you."

That doctor took me into the hospital that night and
that's where I learned how much I weighed. He weighed
me and I weighed exactly 89 pounds [40.5 kg]. I weigh
178 [81 kg] right now. And they, you know, they took
me into surgery, and of course they tried to get the
swelling and the inflammation out of my hand and arm
[so] that they might do something for me. It took
about 12 or 13 days. By this time it started to knit
and they had to break it all over again and put it in
a cast. I did a lot of suffering.

Well, you know, one day a way was made for me to be
released from the hospital. Who did they release me
to? I begged to go out to those old people to stay
with them, and they let me go, because they had been
good to me and I trusted them. And the doctor wanted
to take me out to his home. I was in that hospital
three and a half months. And they took me out there
[to the old folks] and I stayed for a period of time.
And then one day this same doctor, he wrote a letter
and, do you know what he sent in that letter? He sent
a check. He told the people to go and buy me a
suitcase and get me some clothing. He was coming for
me on a certain day. He told me, "I'm going to find
your people for you." You know that doctor is a
stranger to me, but oh, how I thank God that he has
men an women across this world and those men and women
are not so selfish that they won't use some of the
money that God has allowed them to have to help that
one that's less fortunate than they. Here, he spent a
lot of money on me. I was in that hospital three and a
half months, and I mean there was a lot of money spent
on me, but he paid the bills. How I appreciate it! And
you know, that dear doctor, oh they took me, bought my
clothing for me, bought my suitcase and everything was
ready and the day came when he come, and you know,
that doctor took me to the train. And he put me on a
train in care of somebody, of course. He had found my
people for me. I was on busses and trains and boats
for a long time, and one day, after he had gotten my
visa for me to get back into the United States, and I
was always in the charge of somebody because they
didn't trust me to travel alone because of having to
live under the ground so long.


And one day they called the name of a town where I
was, or where my mother and daddy lived. And you know
I knew where mother and daddy lived and I got off of
that train and I run down to their home, five blocks
from that depot, just a very small town. And when I
rang the bell, my daddy come to the door, and you
know, I looked at his face, I didn't know him. And
because I didn't know him I said, "Do you know where
my father lives?"

And he said, "Who are you, and what's your name?"

And I said my name, and I didn't give him my church
name, I gave him my family name. And that man looked
at me, and of course it was his name, and he said,
"Hooky, is this you?" My father didn't know me, of
course it was my dad, and that dear old man opened the
door then and invited me in, and I said, "Dad, is
Mother alive?" because I didn't know about her. And he
took me back in to see her and there she was. Seven
and a half years she's laid there, an invalid. A
horrible, horrible invalid. And of course she didn't
know me and I didn't know her.

Well, you know, that very night I took violently sick
and they put me back in another hospital for another
three months, but my father paid all of those bills.
He reimbursed the doctor and paid the doctor in
another country and paid the old people. He reimbursed
them all. All of that was wonderful, and then, you
know, one day after my body was strong enough since
I'm here in the United States (oh, it took a long
time, several years), I'm a nurse, and I took the
examination to nurse. And do you know what God did? He
let a woman come into that particular hospital. It was
a Roman Catholic hospital.

This woman was a Church of God minister. She came in,
and I thought, "How strange!" Just across the
Mississippi River is two magnificent Protestant
hospitals, and she lives in one of those cities. Right
there, three cities joined together. And why in the
world did she come over here to this Roman Catholic
hospital? Why? I believe God had his hand on it all
the time.You know that woman came in and the doctor
said, "I want you to [indistinguishable] her case,"
and I went in to prepare that woman for the operating
table, and I heard her pray, and I want you to know, I
became that woman's private nurse. Her special nurse.

After she left the hospital she went home, and I
became her special nurse in the home, and that woman
asked if I wouldn't go to church with her. And you
know I lived in her home long enough to hear her pray.
I lived in that home long enough to read the Bible to
her because I'm her nurse and I did what she told me
to. I had never read a Bible before in all of my life
and she'd have to find the scriptures, and then I'd
read them to her. And, you know, as I read the word of
God, then God began to get a hold of me. And finally
she said, "Won't you go to church with me," and I went
to church with that woman, and I sat back there and I
heard the gospel for the first time in my life. And
you know, I'll tell you, I went through four nights,
and it was really beautiful. I've never heard anything
like this. And all the time she was telling me about
the plan of salvation, telling me about God, and that
I needed God, and I needed to be saved. And, of
course, I was believing her.

Do you know what I'd do every night? I go from church
with that woman, and I'd say, "You go to bed, but let
me go to the basement." I'd lay my Bible down on the
chair, and there I'd challenge God, and I'd say, "God,
did you hear what the preacher said? Did you hear it,
God?" And then I would tell God everything I could
remember that the preacher said. I said, "God, you
heard every word, didn't you? Now, if you are God and
the Bible is the word of God, God you're real! I want
what those people have. But, if you're not God, and
the word of God is not your word, then God, please
don't give to me what those people have." Let me tell
you, I challenged God. I put him to a test. God's not
going to give you anything that's not of God. Don't
you worry.

And every night I continued to do that, four or five
nights. And I didn't eat either. I couldn't sleep and
I had lost my appetite and I was loosing a lot of
weight. It was terrific! But you know, one night I
come back to church and out of a clear blue sky, right
in the middle of that man's service I just got out of
my seat, and with both hands straight up in the air I
come running right straight down an aisle like this.
And I fell in at that altar and I cried out, "My God,
forgive me for all my sins!" I was a sinner. I mean
God met me there. Praise his wonderful name. There was
a pool of water on that floor. I was sorry for every
thing that I had did in that convent. I stole potato
peelings. I stole bread. I told lies. I called the
mother superior names under my breath. And I want you
to know, God met me down there and he forgave me of
every sin that there was in my life. And how I thank
and praise him for it! Praise his wonderful name. God
has been very good to me. Very good to me.

A few nights previous [subsequent (?)] to that, I went
back to church. God healed me with the baptism of the
Holy Ghost. May I say to you, God means more to me
than all the material wealth you have in this city.
I'd rather have Jesus than anything you might have,
because I've found him to be the best friend I've ever
known. I can tell him anything I want to tell him, and
he won't call you up and tell you what I've told him.
I can sit at his feet and tell him every day of my
life, "Jesus, I love you. Jesus, I love you." And
every secret of my heart, I can pour out to him. And I
don't worry about him calling you up and telling you
what I told him. He's the best friend you ever had.
He's able to save you. He's able to deliver you. He's
able to loose you from the things of this world and
set you free to know him. Praise his name. I have a
wonderful God. I love him supremely. I'd rather have
Jesus than anything that you might have. God is real
in my life. Really wonderful, how God delivered me out
of the convent. Pray for me. I need much prayer. I'll
be going places where it's predominantly Roman
Catholic. I'll have to suffer much, but I'm willing to
suffer for Jesus that I might tell someone about him
and give my testimonies that other little girls might
be spared from convents. So pray for me, won't you?