Thursday, January 28, 2010

4M Report - 17 Jan 2010

jan 28th, 2010

ah, i have missed arvind's wicked sense of humor. prepare to ROTFL! you guys should all subscribe to the 4M report and read the other stuff on the pages.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Arvind

SABHA - 4M ReportArvind Kumar, 17 Jan 2010

Your regular dose of pseudosecularism

  1. SABHA Obituary: Jyoti Basu kicks the bucket 

    A grateful nation heaved a sigh of relief as the Communist leader Jyoti Basu finally kicked the bucket several days after being admitted to a swanky corporate hospital. Basu is known for introducing many innovative ideas into the field of politics. Among the ideas he pioneered were one-person-one-vote-one-time and the method of killing those who did not vote for him by plunging crowbars into their heads. One of the greatest achievements that Basu is known for is the conversion of the state of West Bengal into one of the most backward places in the world. He oversaw the land redistribution program in West Bengal. As part of the "people's program," land was taken from ordinary people and redistributed to Basu's friends and family members. 

    Jyoti Basu's party as well as Basu himself supported the shooting of students in Tiananmen Square in 1989. At the time of his death, the similarities between Jyoti Basu and Pol Pot were not limited to their legacies in the political arena. Basu had a striking resemblance to what Pol Pot would have looked like had Pol Pot lived to be 95. 

  2. What happens to Jyoti Basu's dead body? 

    Will Jyoti Basu's dead body be preserved so that "scientific socialism" can resurrect it? In 2005, Jyoti Basu reacted angrily to the suggestion that Lenin's dead body that had been preserved would be buried.
    The Kremlin this week reportedly announced that it was time to bury Lenin's body alongside other Bolshevik leaders. 

    The news has been received with bewilderment and anger by top Communist Party of India-Marxist leaders like Jyoti Basu and Anil Biswas. 

    So angry was Basu that he said socialism was finished in Russia and that capitalism had grown deep roots in Moscow.
    Communists have saved Lenin's dead body hoping that "scientific socialism" would bring him back to life in the future. For Communists, paying respects to Lenin's dead body is an important ritual during their pilgrimage to Moscow.
    Stalin's mummified body was kept alongside that of Lenin for many years, and Basu remembered one of his Russia visits when he had seen the mortal remains of both leaders together at the Red Square.
    For a million dollars a year from the government, SABHA offers to run a pilgrimage spot with Jyoti Basu's dead body. We will charge $10 per Communist who wants to worship Jyoti Basu's dead body. For another million dollars a year, SABHA's scientists are prepared to conduct research in "scientific socialism" that will bring back Jyoti Basu back to life. If we are unable to bring him back to life, it just means we need even more money for our research. 

  3. India issues last warning to Pakistan. Again! 

    India once again warned Pakistan not to indulge in terrorism against India. This warning was issued by a Deputy Inspector General of the Border Security Force.
    After a series of rocket attacks in Punjab, the Border Security Force has warned that future incidents of hostile fire could invite calibre-for-calibre retaliation across the India-Pakistan border.

    The last warning follows the "final warning" issued by Home Minister Chidambaram in November. See

    Chidambaram's final warning to Pakistan

    Pakistan should note that the next warning will be the last AND final warning and that will be followed by the final final absolute final warning

  4. Compulsory education is free! 

    In 2009, the Indian government made the Right to Free and Compulsory Education a fundamental right. Kapil Sibal, the Minister for Human Resource Development, recently stated that the government is arranging funds to implement this law.
    Sibal said the government is working out on how to arrange funds for implementing the Right of Children to Free and Compulsory Education Act, which was passed by Parliament in July last year.
    Who knew that compulsion is free? Not only that, it is a right too! You can now demand that the government compel you to send your kids to school by threatening to arrest you! 

  5. Man accidentally lights himself on fire 

    A man in New Jersey lit himself on fire after splashing himself with gasoline and lighting a cigarette.
    The incident occurred at 7:57 p.m. at a residence on 14th Avenue near South 19th Street where a man was cleaning motorcycle parts when he splashed himself with gasoline, said Newark Fire Chief Michael Lalor. He then lit a cigarette and accidentally lit himself on fire, Lalor said.
    While there is a moral angle to this story (Confucius say: Never light a cigarette after splashing yourself with gasoline), that is not the point of this report. It is also not our intention to add the entry "...if you light a cigarette after splashing yourself with gasoline" to the list of items under the title "You might be a redneck if..."

    Remember Godhra and the charges of how the passengers in the train burnt themselves to defame Islam? There were also charges that the train's combustion was an accident. Maybe, it is all true and the train bombing was a combination of both an accident and self-immolation by the passengers in order to defame Islam. If Bubba can do it, why not the passengers on the train? Maybe, we were wrong after all!

    The funny part in the New Jersey incident is the bizarre behavior of the man's relatives.

    Relatives rushed over and put the flames out.
    Shockingly, unlike the Muslim mob in Godhra that exhibited rational behavior on seeing people being burnt to death, the man's relatives did not surround him and throw rocks at him!

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