[Fwd: the ugly indian; apropos the 12 on the dutch airport and others]

sep 1, 2006

as a long-time overseas resident and fairly well-traveled indian, i am
not quite sure this mea culpa is altogether deserved, because many FOBs
do behave quite decently. the ABCDs dont think much of the FOBs, this is
true, but then that is kind of normal. i remember how we used to call
the graduate students 'mama's just because they were not quite as um...
sophisticated as us supercilious undergraduates.

nor are the hosannas for china so deserved. i have found chinese abroad
to be extremely boorish, not to mention chinese in their homelands, eg.
hongkong has the rudest people around. and the chinese habit of standing
extremely close to other people, and especially their habit of driving
very slowly in the fast lane, totally oblivious of other drivers, is
especially hilarious and annoying in america. in fact, in the sf bay area,
if you see any car been driven obnoxiously, chances are quite high that
the driver will be chinese. they all seem to go to chinese driving
school that tells them "go to the fast lane and drive as slow as
possible". much like the indian driving schools tell people "always
straddle the lane markings, that's what they are meant for".

i should modify this about road maniacs in the bay area, given the recent
episode when an 'angry' mohammedan in an SUV hit a dozen pedestrians. yes, there are other
maniacs around, but the chinese are the *original* maniacs.

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Indians who disgrace India
Date: Thu, 31 Aug 2006 17:28:10 EDT
From:

http://www.dailypioneer.com/indexn12.asp?main_variable=EDITS&file_name=edit3%2Etxt&counter_img=3
*_Indians who disgrace India_*
Sunanda K Datta-Ray

From swatting flies to crushing protesters under tanks, the Chinese
Government holds a world record in disciplining people. The means and
ends are not to everyone's liking but flying back from Bangkok the other
day, I could understand why 12 Chinese will never be hauled off an
aircraft, manhandled, handcuffed, detained and questioned. I must also
add that whatever the provocation, no Western authority would dare to
treat Chinese citizens so roughly.

My ordeal began at Bangkok airport when the man sitting next to me
raised his arms over his head and kept them there. A few inches from my
nose, his armpit stank. He was a well-dressed passenger booked on the
same Thai flight to Kolkata.

It used to be an empty plane but for a few demure /chokras/ going to
Bangkok without luggage and returning laden with cheap contraband.
Nowadays, it's packed with noisily assertive passengers. With Stinking
Armpit mercifully across the aisle, I read of China's latest campaign to
stop "uncouth" Chinese going abroad.

According to /China Daily/, they spit, clear their throats loudly, shout
into mobile phones and take off their shoes in planes. Since such
"behaviour is not compatible with the nation's economic strength and
growing international status," the Communist Party's Spiritual
Civilisation Steering Committee will re-educate tourists.

I wish Indians were as moved by pride or sensitivity. This has nothing
to do with ethnic profiling or terrorist alarms. But, paradoxically, one
experiences India at its worst on flights abroad. The logical corollary
to Malcolm Muggeridge's claim that the only Englishmen left in the world
are Indians is that the only Indians lurk in a time warp in Silicon
Valley or Southall. The 12 Mumbai textile traders were not Non-Resident
Indians. But whether NRIs, People of Indian Origin, plain /desis/,
manual workers and professionals, all share common traits that are as
offensive as anything /China Daily/ complains of.

It's not only a cattle class problem. Since Air India automatically
upgrades Government officials, politicians and anyone with clout, the
same culture dominates business and first class cabins.

Indians used to be diffident abroad, especially in the West, when we
feared snubs. Khushwant Singh's advice when I was taking up a posting in
London soon after Enoch Powell's outburst in the late sixties was to
"haw-haw it out" at Heathrow. Just back from England then, Neena Vyas,
daughter of the veteran editor Shyam Lal and herself a journalist, said
she had avoided unpleasantness only by claiming to work for the "Indian
embassy." Visiting America's Deep South a decade earlier, Mohie Das,
highly Anglicised first Indian head of Mackinnon Mackenzie, carried a
turban to clamp on his head when entering restaurants. Maharajahs
escaped discrimination.

If colour prejudice forced Indians to exercise restraint, confidence has
opened the floodgates of boisterousness. Paul Theroux says anyone who
sits next to an Indian on a plane can vouch for national loquacity. Film
star Amisha Patel's reported tantrum at Mumbai airport recalled Indian's
counter at Changi when the airline still connected Singapore and
Kolkata. Passengers who queued quietly for Singapore Airlines bunched
round Indian's desk, waving tickets and passports, pushing and shoving.
An extension of home, the airline allowed Indians to be Indian.

Freed from inhibition, our Johnny-know-alls go wild on the perks of
flying. They treat the crew as personal servants, peremptorily demand
drinks before take-off, complain about the food, call loudly for
magazines, headsets and blankets, ignore Fasten Seat-belt signs, chatter
on their mobiles, constantly open overhead lockers, and parade the
aisles forcing meal trolleys to retreat. Bathrooms are a filthy mess in
their wake. Only the scowling surliness of Aeroflot's male stewards keep
them silent in their seats.

Such is the level of English of many flyers that I heard a Royal Brunei
hostess warn another, "They don't understand 'vegetarian'. You must say
'/aloo-gobi/'!" I have filled in landing cards for countless passengers
who produce their passports when asked for name and address, but never
for an unlettered qualified surgeon, as Tapan Raychowdhury, the Oxford
historian, had to do. Though with a surgery degree from some Uttar
Pradesh university, the woman who sought his help called the entire
British Isles - including Dublin where she was joining her doctor
husband - "London."

Airlines understand their traffic. Emirates service improves
miraculously after Dubai. For Lufthansa, it's Frankfurt. Ask for a
martini on an eastern Air India flight and the steward will explain
politely that cocktails are served only on Western routes. It's raw
spirits in the East. A steward on Indian's early morning Bangkok-Kolkata
flight used to walk down the aisle with an open bottle of Black Label,
pouring out generous libations. Passengers complained if he didn't.

Drink can be demeaning. Though the Qantas hostess snapped that the bar
was closed for landing, a Mumbai- Cairns passenger kept pleading for
free champagne because he had never before been upgraded. London is the
worst route. North Indian field hands who have acquired an insatiable
appetite for whisky and a raucous bonhomie when reborn as British
factory workers invite the superciliousness of British Airways crews
with little other experience of Indians. A Britindian hostess stopped at
a row of noisy drinkers once to say in heavily accented Hindi that they
made her feel ashamed of being Indian.

Despite personal crudities, Chinese flyers are less demanding. Not
feeling quite as deprived at home, they don't throw their weight about
abroad. Many Westerners claim that China is a more serious nation, less
given to distractions. If Beijing would not take what happened in
Amsterdam lying down, it would also ensure that its citizens do not
invite insult.

China's second cultural revolution will last till the end of 2008 when
it will host the Summer Olympics. According to official statistics,
Chinese tourists last year made 31 million foreign and 1.2 billion
domestic trips. They are expected to make 100 million overseas trips by
2020.

Indians might make even more. I wish instead of exhorting us to welcome
foreigners as honoured guests, Jawaharlal Nehru had insisted on a
compulsory crash course in manners (like P Forms, income tax clearance
and other forgotten nightmares) before going abroad. Realising cultural
deficiencies, he laid down deportment rules for official entertainment
and civil service trainees; let his successors start with textile
delegations from Mumbai. My having to suffer Stinking Armpit doesn't
matter. The national image does.