India-U.S trade solution (parody): Hooters in India

This morning, I was doing my customary grocery run and noticed a few well endowed women - White and Latina at Costco. With the India-U.S trade and geopolitical tensions weighing heavily on my mind, their ample bosoms immediately inspired an unconventional idea to break the ice and a possible solution to the imbroglio. In three words - the idea is essentially “Hooters in India”. (Hooters is an American restaurant and bar chain known for its "Hooters Girls," a staff of young women in revealing uniforms who are a central part of the restaurant's image and appeal. In fact, it would not be inaccurate to call it a "breastaurant”). The premise of the idea is that Government of India would allow Hooters to open their franchises across India - with zero tariffs. Hooters in India would employ, as is customary - well endowed, attractive women from the U.S who would be exempt from double taxation and not be liable for taxes on tips (which are guaranteed to exceed their salaries)! In this way, many Americans would be gainfully employed, their so-called “trade deficit” would be erased, their insistence on exporting “dairy products” to India would be accepted - including indulgence of their wicked idea of forcing “non-veg milk” down our throats! I would go beyond “Hooters” and actually invite Trump inc. to setup casinos, complete with strip clubs in Goa featuring full frontal nudity - to employ Americans only, with the sole caveat that they not indulge in espionage and proselytization. Goa is polluted land and beyond redemption anyway after the genocidal inquisition perpetrated by the Portuguese at the invitation of “Saint” Francis Xavier. The sex starved Tharkis of India who throng Las Vegas, Thailand, Sri Lanka, etc. and typically comprise the largest contingent of “tourists” at those destinations would need to look no farther than their local “Hooters” location and definitely no farther than the Trump casino, Playboy mansion, etc. at Goa to satisfy anything that their imagination may conjure. The Trump casino could feature Xavier’s alleged body at his “Basilica” into a freak show all the way from Halloween to “Christmas” like some casinos in Vegas actually do with dissected human bodies! That would save the Desi Tharkis a lot of money and the nation, a substantial amount of foreign exchange reserves - while growing domestic tourism and consumption. It would also, hopefully contribute to decreasing the crimes of depravity against women in India - if Tharkis can legally access world class adult entertainment locally - including “imported dairy products”. Let’s face it Tharki Indians are among the biggest consumers of porn on the internet. Some others have suggested allowing tariff free imports of Wines, Almonds, Walnuts, etc. from California. That is a good idea. It would increase affordability and availability of those products at the lower end. Indian products in the same category are of higher quality and have a niche market that should not be adversely affected by some competition. To the indignant Desis raising angry objections - if we can allow Mc. Donald’s, Burger King, Subway, Pizza Hut, Dominos, Coke, Pepsi, Amazon, Walmart, Uber, etc. in India - then, why not Hooters, Playboy and Trump casinos? This is not a deal that the Failed Marshal AssHim Hijda Muneer can ever offer in Paakistan! He can supply spicy Paaki women (probably has supplied them) to influential people like General Michael Kurilla of CENTCOM but does not have and will never have the “Aukaat” to employ Americans at a Hooters franchise in Bhikharistan. This is a potential win-win solution to the India-U.S trade conundrum which could otherwise escalate into something undesirable - that neither side genuinely wants. The proposed solution includes elements that could really appeal to President Trump’s unique humour, his business sense, give an opportunity for Trump inc. to profit and massage his ego by giving him a win particularly on exporting American “dairy products” to India. However, this is a delicate proposition that needs to be made in a humorous manner perhaps over a cold beer or two or a peg of Scotch to avoid offending the President. I don’t see an austere disciplinarian, a teetotaler and a former RSS Pracharak such as Prime Minister Modi making such an “indecent proposal” ever. So, who can bell the cat? Anil Ambani or Vijay Mallya? If they can pull off this deal, all their financial indiscretions could be forgiven.